I knew it could happen but I think we all secretly think it wont happen to us...the scale is up 4-5lbs from my lowest and it started with my cycle but it hasnt disappeared and my eating has been crap so I know why. I don't have restriction and I'm in the bandster hell I've read about and I don't like it.
Plus I feel like everyone is watching me, my sister asked me today how much I've lost I said well on any given day between 38-42lbs and she says well thats really not alot, really bitch I bet you can't do it in 2 months. Because when you count the presurgery diet...(which excuse me people is all willpower) and this hell that I'm in now with no restriction, this weight was lost through my effort, not from the band.
But I can't make excuses I want this to bad...so I'm going to schedule me another fill next week, but this week I'm getting real basic even breaking out the protein shakes almost pre-op style, the thought of going up in weight is making me depressed and depression makes me want to eat. I gotta get my head right though and persevere I can't go back and losing weight feels so good.
I apologize again for my lackluster blogging, but even this post tonight took effort because I'm in such a funk and I am the type to hold bad feelings in because I don't feel like people get me, a prime example is the b.s. my sister said to me today, how would I ever be able to go to her and explain what I'm going through she is already looking at me like I failed.
I will keep you guys posted on my progress this week!
p.s. apologize again for the last post about bodily functions but it weirds me out.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
What happened to silent Farts!
I just read Amy W's blog and it made me remember something that I've meaning to ask you guys, I get gas daily, not always the painful kind but just "I gotta fart" type gas. But what has happened to my fart I no longer have short, small farts EVER. THEY DON'T GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT EVER!!! They are loud and long and if I'm really honest they come in both scented and unscented but they are sooooooo long and sooooooooooooooooo loud, I can't dare try to sneak one out anywhere, ever. I want my old farts back...not cool and not ladylike at all...
I know all of this is TMI but who else can help me but you guys!!
I know all of this is TMI but who else can help me but you guys!!
First time stuck...check!
Well Saturday I took my bestie and my flirt buddy some Popeye's chicken on their lunch break. So we are all sitting there chatting and laughing and I break off a little piece of biscuit. I popped said little piece of biscuit in my mouth and chewed a little but in the midst of running my darn mouth I swallowed it and as it was going down I'm thinking will it get stuck, but I said nah nothing gets stuck and the piece wasn't that big. But it sat there and I could feel it. I didn't know if the legendary sliming would start so I asked quickly to be let in the building to get some ice and while inside and getting ice and pretending to be engaged in what was on tv I was stretching my hands above my head (a friend said it works) and kept swallowing I sipped a bit of water (tiny bit) and after a little while I felt it going down. So no sliming and it didn't come back up, but I have learned my lesson (I think), less talking more chewing.
Saturday my son was spending the night at my ex's house, so although it was not in the budget I got me a hotel room and stayed there all by my lonesome. I really needed to rest because I don't know if I have fully gotten into it here but I am temporarily staying at my mom's house, I am wating for my newly married sister to find a place and I am going to take over her place. She has bargain rent for a great amount of space in an ideal location. Having said that my son is on one couch and I am on another, my mom has two foster kids and they each have their own room but we sleep in the middle of the house and because I'm a light sleeper I don't feel like I am ever fully rested. So I got a nice room and slept and watched t.v. I had planned to blog but it was my first time pulling out my laptop since my sister's wedding weekend and it looks like they left my power cord in the hotel room, I just ordered that cord and the housekeeping department won't call me back so I am going to have to pay them a visit.
Oh and some chick called the room I was staying in and when I answered there was a pause and she says "Obviously I got the wrong number" I was like okay and then she asked for someone Sheldon? or something like that I was like no you have the wrong number.
Well after I took a nap and ran out to grab something to eat I was watching tv and heard a knock at the door, but no one knew where I was so at first I thought maybe it was next door. Then they knocked again so I went and answer by looking through the peephole and it was a lady basically saying that she was the one that had called earlier and that she was looking for some dude and he had lost his phone and that this room was the last place she knew him to be. I told her well he is not here (all this through the door) and she stood there for a while like she didn't believe me and then she finally says ok thanks but still seemed hesitant about leaving. I said dang drama is following me and I don't even know these people.
On the weight front I am up about 4lbs from my lowest and fluctuating around 40lbs down, I am focusing on my eating again and I am tempted to go for another fill but I am going to give it another week or two and see what happens.
Saturday my son was spending the night at my ex's house, so although it was not in the budget I got me a hotel room and stayed there all by my lonesome. I really needed to rest because I don't know if I have fully gotten into it here but I am temporarily staying at my mom's house, I am wating for my newly married sister to find a place and I am going to take over her place. She has bargain rent for a great amount of space in an ideal location. Having said that my son is on one couch and I am on another, my mom has two foster kids and they each have their own room but we sleep in the middle of the house and because I'm a light sleeper I don't feel like I am ever fully rested. So I got a nice room and slept and watched t.v. I had planned to blog but it was my first time pulling out my laptop since my sister's wedding weekend and it looks like they left my power cord in the hotel room, I just ordered that cord and the housekeeping department won't call me back so I am going to have to pay them a visit.
Oh and some chick called the room I was staying in and when I answered there was a pause and she says "Obviously I got the wrong number" I was like okay and then she asked for someone Sheldon? or something like that I was like no you have the wrong number.
Well after I took a nap and ran out to grab something to eat I was watching tv and heard a knock at the door, but no one knew where I was so at first I thought maybe it was next door. Then they knocked again so I went and answer by looking through the peephole and it was a lady basically saying that she was the one that had called earlier and that she was looking for some dude and he had lost his phone and that this room was the last place she knew him to be. I told her well he is not here (all this through the door) and she stood there for a while like she didn't believe me and then she finally says ok thanks but still seemed hesitant about leaving. I said dang drama is following me and I don't even know these people.
On the weight front I am up about 4lbs from my lowest and fluctuating around 40lbs down, I am focusing on my eating again and I am tempted to go for another fill but I am going to give it another week or two and see what happens.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I try and keep my promises
My sister's weddding went well, it wore us out though we had a bridesmaid/wedding coordinator drop out about 4 days before the wedding so all new decor had to be wrangled because she was provided the table decorations. My sister basically offended the whole bridal party so there was this tension that I was afraid it was gonna ruin the whole weekend. Luckily we got past that because as maid of honor, although offended, I had to stay focused on the big picture and be the middle man. My mom upset me because she tried to justify my sister's behavior as usual, she wonders why I keep most of emotions inside because these people don't get me and my older sister has always been the one that needs all this attention and tiptoeing (sp) around. I will post pics from the wedding as soon as I get some. Believe or not after the wedding weekend I had gained weight and I didn't eat a lot of real food but I think the grazing on crap on the go did the trick plus PMS is always good for some nice weight gain due to water retention. Luckily it didn't take but a couple of days to get back to my pre-wedding weight but it has been fluctuating up and down about 1-2 lbs.
My eating has been less than stellar, I've been eating too many carbs and not enough protein and it is reflecting in my energy level (lack thereof) and my lack of weight loss. I am ready to get back on track I also went in for another fill this week and my doc says that Im just short of 4ccs but sometimes I feel like I don't have a band still. I can't eat as much as I used to but I sometimes get hungrier sooner than I should, Dr. D. says that the average sweet spot for people with my band is around 5ccs but it is different with everyone but you have to take your time to get there. My first thought was why not start with 5ccs and go down from there, but thats just my impatient ass.
I haven't been keeping up with blogs and obviously not posting but I am going to catch up this weekend. I have just been so tired lately. I have to get my energy up and I know that means I need to get my fatass moving, but on the exercise front I have "watched" quite a few exercise routines on tv this week....yes I have watched them but haven't quite made it off the couch yet lol! My mom actually watched with me one night and we got a good laugh...baby steps people...baby steps.
I am anemic and I know because I haven't been up on my vitamins and because my cycle has been on that is the main reason for my low energy. I have fibroids so when my cycle is on the blood loss is outrageous which leaves me drained. Thankfully it's gone now so hopefully that and my lower carb intake will help.
I've noticed that when I eat pasta or rice during the day I instantly get tired, before I would eat pasta and maybe a couple of hours later feel sluggish but now I eat it and within 10 mins I want a nap so bad I could cry. I had this nasty smart ones frozen pasta meal one day for lunch and I ate about half of it threw it away and within minutes couldn't keep my eyes open. So that makes it easier for me to want to limit that stuff especially while I'm at work.
My best friend also got married last week, so I had 2 weddings in like 5 days, 1 on Sunday and then another one on Friday, but luckily his was just a small ceremony at a nice restaurant and I didn't have to "do" anything but be there and show my support. As my dinner entree I chose this flounder stuffed with crabmeat and it was delish but the portion size was huge so I mostly at the crabmeat but still a good bit got thrown away and I have to start learning how to not feel bad about that.
A friend of mine who had the lapband about 5 years ago has recently been motivated to actively work her band again, becaus initially I think she got it because she could, lost about 40lbs and then got kind of content with where she was, I don't know if I motivated her or not but she has been actively working the band now. We were talking about how she still struggle with not ordering the large size because it seems to be a better deal. like if the difference between the small and large is only 50 cent why not just get the large, but then you feel bad for wasting so you end up trying to eat or drink more than you want or should. You might as well just get the small to begin with because the deal isn't a deal if you are throwing it away.
Also dealing with what my grandma used to say "your eyes are bigger than your belly", and with the band that literally becomes true, when you do get hungry you think hell I'm so hungry I can eat 10 chicken wings, no you can't, physically you cannot, but we are so used to being able to put away the food, probably used to be able to eat damn near 20, but now more 5 is more realistic. But ordering 5 wings just doesn't look like enough, but it is and when will our minds get that.
I realized that I have lost 10% of my body weight so I will be posting pics soon, well really the wedding pictures can represent that loss, but I get frustrated because I want to lose more faster, I am happy with my progress and I feel the difference in my clothes, but I still feel like because I'm so big 40lbs is barely noticeable whereas on someone smaller it would be huge...patience I know, but it is not my strong suit and I have to fight the urge to self sabotage, that's the old me, me and Beyonce have work to do, I want to be at least about 8lbs down for a total of 50lbs before my birthday in December, of course 60lbs down would be better but I am not setting myself up for that kinda pressure...
My eating has been less than stellar, I've been eating too many carbs and not enough protein and it is reflecting in my energy level (lack thereof) and my lack of weight loss. I am ready to get back on track I also went in for another fill this week and my doc says that Im just short of 4ccs but sometimes I feel like I don't have a band still. I can't eat as much as I used to but I sometimes get hungrier sooner than I should, Dr. D. says that the average sweet spot for people with my band is around 5ccs but it is different with everyone but you have to take your time to get there. My first thought was why not start with 5ccs and go down from there, but thats just my impatient ass.
I haven't been keeping up with blogs and obviously not posting but I am going to catch up this weekend. I have just been so tired lately. I have to get my energy up and I know that means I need to get my fatass moving, but on the exercise front I have "watched" quite a few exercise routines on tv this week....yes I have watched them but haven't quite made it off the couch yet lol! My mom actually watched with me one night and we got a good laugh...baby steps people...baby steps.
I am anemic and I know because I haven't been up on my vitamins and because my cycle has been on that is the main reason for my low energy. I have fibroids so when my cycle is on the blood loss is outrageous which leaves me drained. Thankfully it's gone now so hopefully that and my lower carb intake will help.
I've noticed that when I eat pasta or rice during the day I instantly get tired, before I would eat pasta and maybe a couple of hours later feel sluggish but now I eat it and within 10 mins I want a nap so bad I could cry. I had this nasty smart ones frozen pasta meal one day for lunch and I ate about half of it threw it away and within minutes couldn't keep my eyes open. So that makes it easier for me to want to limit that stuff especially while I'm at work.
My best friend also got married last week, so I had 2 weddings in like 5 days, 1 on Sunday and then another one on Friday, but luckily his was just a small ceremony at a nice restaurant and I didn't have to "do" anything but be there and show my support. As my dinner entree I chose this flounder stuffed with crabmeat and it was delish but the portion size was huge so I mostly at the crabmeat but still a good bit got thrown away and I have to start learning how to not feel bad about that.
A friend of mine who had the lapband about 5 years ago has recently been motivated to actively work her band again, becaus initially I think she got it because she could, lost about 40lbs and then got kind of content with where she was, I don't know if I motivated her or not but she has been actively working the band now. We were talking about how she still struggle with not ordering the large size because it seems to be a better deal. like if the difference between the small and large is only 50 cent why not just get the large, but then you feel bad for wasting so you end up trying to eat or drink more than you want or should. You might as well just get the small to begin with because the deal isn't a deal if you are throwing it away.
Also dealing with what my grandma used to say "your eyes are bigger than your belly", and with the band that literally becomes true, when you do get hungry you think hell I'm so hungry I can eat 10 chicken wings, no you can't, physically you cannot, but we are so used to being able to put away the food, probably used to be able to eat damn near 20, but now more 5 is more realistic. But ordering 5 wings just doesn't look like enough, but it is and when will our minds get that.
I realized that I have lost 10% of my body weight so I will be posting pics soon, well really the wedding pictures can represent that loss, but I get frustrated because I want to lose more faster, I am happy with my progress and I feel the difference in my clothes, but I still feel like because I'm so big 40lbs is barely noticeable whereas on someone smaller it would be huge...patience I know, but it is not my strong suit and I have to fight the urge to self sabotage, that's the old me, me and Beyonce have work to do, I want to be at least about 8lbs down for a total of 50lbs before my birthday in December, of course 60lbs down would be better but I am not setting myself up for that kinda pressure...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
STILL ALIVE
Hey guys I know I suck as a blogger lately and promise a whole post tomorrow, but with 2 weddings in 5 days, it's been kinda hectic and they have issued this thing about posting to blogs at work so thats a no go. I had my 2nd fill yesterday, I've been maintaining not losing anything additional and I will update you guys on all that tomorrow....thanks to those that haven't "quit" me yet it will get better.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
First fill....check!!
Tuesday I got my first fill and it was anticlimatic...which was a good thing. I expected pain or something, but after going through questions with the wonderful Wendy, the great Dr. D. the most wonderful surgeon ever, came in and he and a new nurse teamed up for my fill. I was wondering how he was gonna find the port under all this fluff, I really can't feel it, I think I can a little but not like those of you who start this journey half the weight I started at.
Anyway he asked me if I was feeling brave, I said not particularly, he laughed he did the lidocaine numbing thing which was a tiny sting. and then he played around until he got the fill done. I drank the required cup of water with no problem and he told me that in as little as a week if I feel no change I could come back for another. I know he gave me 3ccs but I am not sure what I started with or my band capacity, (I know its a size large) and I forgot to ask. Everyone was quite pleased with my progress and I felt proud of myself.
Everyday this week they have been dumping crap (candy, cookies etc) on my desk at work and I would be lying if I said I didn't eat 2 starburst one day, a Reese's individual peanut butter cup the day after my fill (it seem like a mushy food) and 4 of these sour strings today. It is customer service week and why they are loading us on sugar to thank us for doing a good job (i don't deal with customers directly) is beyond me. Reward me with non-edibles thank you very much.
Official weigh in tomorrow so let's see what customer service week has done to my hiney parts and this weekend is my sister's wedding and remind me to tell you guys about the bridezilla text from hell she sent to her bridal party causing one of the bridesmaid who was also the coordinator to drop out. Oy vey!
I will check in tomorrow and give you all an update!
Oh yeah Whole Fruit sorbet from Publix rocks! It's naturally fat free but not sugar free and it is delish in moderation of course.
Anyway he asked me if I was feeling brave, I said not particularly, he laughed he did the lidocaine numbing thing which was a tiny sting. and then he played around until he got the fill done. I drank the required cup of water with no problem and he told me that in as little as a week if I feel no change I could come back for another. I know he gave me 3ccs but I am not sure what I started with or my band capacity, (I know its a size large) and I forgot to ask. Everyone was quite pleased with my progress and I felt proud of myself.
Everyday this week they have been dumping crap (candy, cookies etc) on my desk at work and I would be lying if I said I didn't eat 2 starburst one day, a Reese's individual peanut butter cup the day after my fill (it seem like a mushy food) and 4 of these sour strings today. It is customer service week and why they are loading us on sugar to thank us for doing a good job (i don't deal with customers directly) is beyond me. Reward me with non-edibles thank you very much.
Official weigh in tomorrow so let's see what customer service week has done to my hiney parts and this weekend is my sister's wedding and remind me to tell you guys about the bridezilla text from hell she sent to her bridal party causing one of the bridesmaid who was also the coordinator to drop out. Oy vey!
I will check in tomorrow and give you all an update!
Oh yeah Whole Fruit sorbet from Publix rocks! It's naturally fat free but not sugar free and it is delish in moderation of course.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
I lost 3.4lbs in one day....yeah I know it's crazy.
Let's just face I'm not a model lapband patient, I eat some crap, exercise is still M.I.A. unless you count the endless store and mall walking I have done for this freaking wedding, and I weigh myself morning and night religiously. I only change my ticker after official weigh in on Fridays, but trust me the scale is visited twice a day. Okay well I weigh myself for my official weight on Friday and then Saturday morning I was a full 3.4lbs down, okkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, I was like what happen in my sleep, did some make and incision and steal a vital organ, I weighed myself umpteen times same result. I weighed my 2 year old niece her weight was consistent I was like okay I'm gonna have to check this scale out.
Well Thursday night I tried what used to be my favorite jeans on to wear to work on Friday although they zipped the muffin top (to put it nicely) couldn't be ignore and it felt like I was squeezing my insides into something unhealthy. Well Saturday after the mysterious weighin that night I tried them on again, much looser, like I would wear them now, my muffin top was the one I'm used to seeing, it's crazy so unofficially I am down 40.2lbs but that won't be official until Friday.
My 1st fill got rescheduled to Tuesday, so we will see what their scale says, last time I went there was like a .8lb difference between theirs and mine, I am worried that they will not give me a fill because I am losing weight, but I want it because I feel like I get hungry too fast, I am definitely eating less but I get like the real stomach growling hunger pains sooner than I think I should and I just ignore them because I feel otherwise I will be snacking all the time and defeat the purpose.
On another note my birthday goal of being down 45lbs will definitely be down if anything close to this pace continues. Because I still have 11 weeks and only 4.8lbs left to reach it, pretty psyched about that!
Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and support, you guys make this journey so much easier.
Well Thursday night I tried what used to be my favorite jeans on to wear to work on Friday although they zipped the muffin top (to put it nicely) couldn't be ignore and it felt like I was squeezing my insides into something unhealthy. Well Saturday after the mysterious weighin that night I tried them on again, much looser, like I would wear them now, my muffin top was the one I'm used to seeing, it's crazy so unofficially I am down 40.2lbs but that won't be official until Friday.
My 1st fill got rescheduled to Tuesday, so we will see what their scale says, last time I went there was like a .8lb difference between theirs and mine, I am worried that they will not give me a fill because I am losing weight, but I want it because I feel like I get hungry too fast, I am definitely eating less but I get like the real stomach growling hunger pains sooner than I think I should and I just ignore them because I feel otherwise I will be snacking all the time and defeat the purpose.
On another note my birthday goal of being down 45lbs will definitely be down if anything close to this pace continues. Because I still have 11 weeks and only 4.8lbs left to reach it, pretty psyched about that!
Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and support, you guys make this journey so much easier.
Friday, October 01, 2010
Move your FAT BUTT...but down another 2.8
I did not have physical relations with that DVD at all, hey guys the plan this week was for me to start doing my exercise dvd right? Well I lied to you and myself, between stress at work and my sister's wedding countdown, oh yeah and simple laziness, I did no such thing.
I posted another 2.8lb weight loss today despite being a lardass, but I think to myself could that have been a 3.8 maybe even a 4 if I had sweated a little, perhaps.....but I will take it. Oh yeah and I ate some crap this week just not a lot of it.
I know this next will be crazier because it's the last week before the nuptials on 10/10 but I am going to do some exercise, I promise.
So now I'm down 36.8lb from my presurgery weight, yeppers and I never want to see that jelly again.
I posted another 2.8lb weight loss today despite being a lardass, but I think to myself could that have been a 3.8 maybe even a 4 if I had sweated a little, perhaps.....but I will take it. Oh yeah and I ate some crap this week just not a lot of it.
I know this next will be crazier because it's the last week before the nuptials on 10/10 but I am going to do some exercise, I promise.
So now I'm down 36.8lb from my presurgery weight, yeppers and I never want to see that jelly again.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Win a great kitchen scale from Lady lapband!!!
Check out this awesome giveaway and enter for your chance to win a scale to help with portion control, and while you are there check out Lady Lapband's blog.!!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
What's on my plate
I have my first fill next week and I am anxious for it, I missed that feeling of satiation coming earlier rather than later and I am subsisting mostly on willpower, now don't get me wrong I can't eat as much as I used to but depending on the time of day 1 cup or less doesn't get me there. I don't expect the first fill to completely get me there either, but it will be a step towards getting me in to that good place. Hmmmm, maybe I will be one of those people like Catherine and get to the sweet spot early and ride the wave to skinnydom. Not!!!
Anyways this is my food plan for work today.
Breakfast: Crustless quiche bite (adapted from Eggface) (I eat 1 or 2 depending) made with eggs, sausage, onions and cooked in a small muffin pan. So convenient, pretty much all protein, I'm gonna keep experimenting with ingredients I used what was on hand, next time add some green in it.
Snack: Chobani peach greek yogurt (good protein and my new love)
Lunch: Meatballs
I know you guys are probably like who cares...lol...but maybe someone new to this banded thing may find it interesting....
Oh, I can finally tell I'm losing weight, it's been kinda funky because at times I couldn't feel it, I'm like damn you so fat that 35lbs gone and you can't even tell it, but I can't feel it and see it a little now. Yippee!!!!
Oh yeah, in other news, I totally sat my wide booty in an chair with arms and didn't have to sit at the very edge of the chair, I actually kinda sat back, I usually avoid chairs with arms at all cost, I carry a lot of weight in the hip region, family curse/blessing. Now mind you, you probably couldn't have buttered a piece of notebook paper and slid it along side of me, but the point is my arse was in the chair, and I take the victories as they come.
Next up, getting rid of my seatbelt extender!
Friday, September 24, 2010
34.6 Beyotches!!! SASHA FIERCE...YOU BETTA WORK!
**** NSV alert****
I had my follow at the surgeons this week and they were quite happy with my progress but more happy that my heart rate has dropped by 20, blood pressure was on the high end of normal, gerd issues are gone (those disappeared after the hiatal hernia/tumor removal surgery). I felt guilty while I was there because I lied to the exercise lady and told her I had started exercise and I really have in my mind, but my resolution for next week is to exercise at least 3 days, I know what I can do is still limited but I can do my walking and I will, you guys hold me to it.
My surgeon tells me that if I don't feel I need a fill in 2 weeks I can reschedule the appointment, the heck I will I don't really feel restriction now, I get hungry too soon and it's hunger that hurts and it appears out of nowhere. But I am trying to be good because I don't want to gain too much during bandster hell, I want the scale to continue downward. I need to lose 10.4 more to make my birthday goal.
A lot of my blog buddies are in Chicago with the BOOBS and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, but I will be at the next get together believe that! I hope they have a great time, I am there in spirit.
(I was gonna round by loss number up to 35 but I said a day will come when those .2, .4 etc losses/gains are gonna be crucial to my mental stability so no rounding up!!!)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Family pic from the bridal shower
Saturday, September 18, 2010
New face shots and new hair
The girls and I had drinks (well at least they did) on the eve of my sister's bridal shower, I came home and snap some face shots...just because lol!
Friday, September 17, 2010
B.Y.O.C. Bring your own crazy
1.. Last week we asked your favorite thing about being an adult. This week the question is: what is one thing you miss about being a child?
• I miss the innocence of it all, the play outside all day just be inside before dark, not worrying about pedophiles and gunplay. I miss using my imagination, our video game was for after dark mostly (ATARI) because we played hard outside, we had an old cabinet we used as a stove, we picked a certain leaf to make collard greens, the leaves a certain fern was our rice (wow food theme), and certain rocks in water was our stew. We created games out of what was outside, kids these days don't have to think as much they make toys to simulate everything. I missed that freedom of creativity without the stress of responsibility, I miss be able to read in a corner for hours on end to escape to other worlds without having to worry about other things I should be doing.
2. When you make a serious life decision – do you use your head or your heart?
More often than not it's my head and I regret sometimes because it takes the spontaneity out of it and it has allowed to make excuses for not doing things. So what if it doesn't always work out, sometimes it does and maybe the journey to the end would've been fun.
3. In relation to blogs….are you a never commenter, a sometimes commenter, an almost always commenter or a direct emailer kinda person?
I'm a sometimes commenter, I comment when something moves me, but I am trying to be better about it especially for new bloggers because I know how much it meant to me when the people who inspire me (Draz, Steph, Amanda, Grace, Pamela, Cindylew, Miss Vickie...etc) consistently comment on my posts. But I definitely still lurk alot!
4. If life was a flavor – would it be savory, sweet or sour?
I think maybe savory, but probably because i like the way that sounds, and thought of being able savor everything about living.
5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in life or in blogland.
Well as a banded newbie this has been a week of getting acquainted with my new buddy Sasha Fierce, it's been about going back to work and making a committment to a new life. it's been about loving all you guys for showing me what is possible the good and the bad, the realistic and unrealistic, the thrill of victories and the way over obstacles.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Opted out
Sometimes I feel like I opted out of my 30's, now that 40 is looming I sometimes regret having spent my 30's so overweight, so many missed opportunities, things that I passed on because of my weight. I sometimes wish I were more like Amy W. with the whole reverse body dysmorphic disorder because she never stop fully living. I hate that my son has missed out on things and lacks the confidence that he should have and I think that is a reflection on me. Now don't get me wrong I'm not a person that thinks I'm ugly or doesn't date or anything like that, but that whole not participating in things because I don't to run in to people that knew me when.
I think that can be a curse from being in the "in" crowd in high school, hell I was president of the entire student body, I ran assemblies and made morning announcements, everyone knew me. Well when you let your weight get so far out of control that old popularity can become a burden.
I am excited to now have a real chance to change my life, I know it's not too late, I know things happen when they are supposed to but I hope it is not too late to set an example for my son. I don't want him to allowed fear to stop him from living the life he is supposed to live. Even before the weight issue I developed a fear of failure and of taking chances. I saw myself as a realist a person who weighed the pros and cons, but I know now I used that as an excuse to not do things. I became a self-saboteur and now it pisses me off.
I should have been the attorney I dreamed of being since I was a baby, I should have written the books that I have literally felt called to write since I was young (ironically my son has been writing books since he was 3/4 years old when I taught him to read), but I get in my own way.
One of the reasons I think my weight got out of control is because it provided that excuse not to live, I have a personality that tends to make people cater to me, I am always popular at work or anywhere even when I don't want to be. It is my blessing and my curse.
But now I am choosing life and life more abundantly, I am going to have my own best interest at heart. I can do this and Sasha is gonna make it possible...
I think that can be a curse from being in the "in" crowd in high school, hell I was president of the entire student body, I ran assemblies and made morning announcements, everyone knew me. Well when you let your weight get so far out of control that old popularity can become a burden.
I am excited to now have a real chance to change my life, I know it's not too late, I know things happen when they are supposed to but I hope it is not too late to set an example for my son. I don't want him to allowed fear to stop him from living the life he is supposed to live. Even before the weight issue I developed a fear of failure and of taking chances. I saw myself as a realist a person who weighed the pros and cons, but I know now I used that as an excuse to not do things. I became a self-saboteur and now it pisses me off.
I should have been the attorney I dreamed of being since I was a baby, I should have written the books that I have literally felt called to write since I was young (ironically my son has been writing books since he was 3/4 years old when I taught him to read), but I get in my own way.
One of the reasons I think my weight got out of control is because it provided that excuse not to live, I have a personality that tends to make people cater to me, I am always popular at work or anywhere even when I don't want to be. It is my blessing and my curse.
But now I am choosing life and life more abundantly, I am going to have my own best interest at heart. I can do this and Sasha is gonna make it possible...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Ok I realized I was pushing it
Thanks for all the feedback on my crackhead birthday goals, I looked at a calendar and realized that's only about 13 weeks away, 30lbs riiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhttt! How about I strive for 15, I was gonna say 10 but I'm a big girl and I think that would be a cop out. I think a 1lb or 1.5lbs a week average is doable, I know how weight fluctuates from week to week and I am ready for that. In my experience because Im so heavy I lose a lot of weight initially faster than my counterparts half my size.
Today is my first day of mushies and I must admit I cheated yesterday and had some grits and a really soft scrambled egg eaten very slowly the waiter thought something was wrong with them...lol. I was bad and didn't have any protein drink yesterday but I am on it this morning, but yesterday everytime I even thought about drinking it my stomach turned lol. Time to add some variety.
I have to finish working on finalizing plans for my sister's bridal shower this Saturday, it is really crazy because I have never been to a bridal shower lol.
Well I just wanted to do a quick update and let you guys know that I don't live in LaLa land and that I have realistic expectations.
Today is my first day of mushies and I must admit I cheated yesterday and had some grits and a really soft scrambled egg eaten very slowly the waiter thought something was wrong with them...lol. I was bad and didn't have any protein drink yesterday but I am on it this morning, but yesterday everytime I even thought about drinking it my stomach turned lol. Time to add some variety.
I have to finish working on finalizing plans for my sister's bridal shower this Saturday, it is really crazy because I have never been to a bridal shower lol.
Well I just wanted to do a quick update and let you guys know that I don't live in LaLa land and that I have realistic expectations.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I always feel like somebody's watching me...
It's funny because my mom and sister have told everyone possible about me having lapband surgery and although I wasn't planning to keep it secret I do feel like everyone is going to monitor me now. I got a text from my coworker saying do you feel like you have lost weight yet, this was the day after surgery. My mom's friends are asking about weight loss, my sister's coworkers are asking if she can tell that I have lost weight yet. I better succeed because everyone and their mom is all up in my business.
I don't really feel it but as of this morning I am 31lbs down since 8/24, I am wondering when I start mushies will the scale stop moving every morning. I am not looking forward to the dreaded bandster hell and I pray Sasha has my back my first fill is scheduled for 10/7 which will be a month post op.
I am trying to come up with a realistic goal to strive for by my birthday on 12/20. It's 3 months away so would another 30 be too unrealistic. I'm going to give it more thought, also what's the exercise window post surgery, how long do I have to wait?
Good God!!! Sasha is no joke!
Man oh man, my son and I went to the bookstore per our usual weekend ritual plus I was getting stir crazy...I know my doc said wait a week before driving but since I'm not on the narcotic and have a good range of movement I drove.
Anyhoo I order a unsweet tea (large out of habit) and started drinking, no straw as instructed, but I drank about a quarter of a cup, not real fast, but holy moly it felt like I was gonna burst, I felt super full, had to get up and walk around. I felt like I'd had a 12 course dinner and it lasted for hours not as bad but a full feeling. I have to focus on getting my protein in because I just can't drink a lot and especially my muscle milk I am going to try the isopure tomorrow and hopefully that helps. I have been subsisting on protein shake, tomato soup (a little, had to have it), apple juice, water, crush ice and today some gatorade.
I have this weird sensation sometimes when I guess I'm hungry but they are painful hunger pangs and I swear I feel rise from one part of my stomach to another, really weird. And often I still don't have the desire to eat anything, so I will sip on the protein shake just cuz. I pour my drinks into this tiny cup like the kind you measure meds in, they gave them to me in the hospital to help me learn to sip.
I have also been giving myself the blood thinner shots which my son is weirdly fascinated with. All and all today was a lot better. I went and got me some sugarfree popsicles, soup and other mushies since I start mushies Tuesday.
Well that's all I have to report on Sasha and I we are still getting acquainted but she says she has my back...we'll see!
Anyhoo I order a unsweet tea (large out of habit) and started drinking, no straw as instructed, but I drank about a quarter of a cup, not real fast, but holy moly it felt like I was gonna burst, I felt super full, had to get up and walk around. I felt like I'd had a 12 course dinner and it lasted for hours not as bad but a full feeling. I have to focus on getting my protein in because I just can't drink a lot and especially my muscle milk I am going to try the isopure tomorrow and hopefully that helps. I have been subsisting on protein shake, tomato soup (a little, had to have it), apple juice, water, crush ice and today some gatorade.
I have this weird sensation sometimes when I guess I'm hungry but they are painful hunger pangs and I swear I feel rise from one part of my stomach to another, really weird. And often I still don't have the desire to eat anything, so I will sip on the protein shake just cuz. I pour my drinks into this tiny cup like the kind you measure meds in, they gave them to me in the hospital to help me learn to sip.
I have also been giving myself the blood thinner shots which my son is weirdly fascinated with. All and all today was a lot better. I went and got me some sugarfree popsicles, soup and other mushies since I start mushies Tuesday.
Well that's all I have to report on Sasha and I we are still getting acquainted but she says she has my back...we'll see!
Thursday, September 09, 2010
I made it
Well I can't believe it's done I can't believe it. The surgery was pretty routine quite a few people at the hospital remembered me from my previous stays. They were able to get my i.v. on the first try without calling in specialists, my surgeon was a little late getting in, I was his first of the day scheduled at 7:30am but I had to arrive at the hospital at 5:45a.m. My mom wondered why so early and I say if you are starving yourself why pick a later appointment, I want to get in and get it over with.
Anyway all went well, but I must say that I had more pain this time then with the previous surgeries and I wanted to post so bad but I was getting really nauseous (I think it was from the morphine) and when I wasn't nauseous I could barely keep my eyes open, but I wanted to at least let you guys know it was a done deal. My mom told me that when my surgeon came out to talk to her he gave her the box that my band came in so she could "prove to Mimi that she got the band"
Today I have been sipping on protein drinks and apple juice, I tried to eat some sugarfree jello but I couldn't deal with the taste and threw it away. Tomorrow I will add some broth and some popsicles to the repertoire lol. I have to be on all liquids for the next 4 days then I move to soft foods. I know I didn't consume enough today and I've been getting something like hunger pangs but in a weird way.
It's funny to me though how I was so anxious to give you guys and update more than I was really worried about giving friends and family an update. Thanks for all the encouragement as I start this new phase of the this journey...now I want to come up with a name.....hmmm maybe "Sasha Fierce" a la Beyonce.
Anyway all went well, but I must say that I had more pain this time then with the previous surgeries and I wanted to post so bad but I was getting really nauseous (I think it was from the morphine) and when I wasn't nauseous I could barely keep my eyes open, but I wanted to at least let you guys know it was a done deal. My mom told me that when my surgeon came out to talk to her he gave her the box that my band came in so she could "prove to Mimi that she got the band"
Today I have been sipping on protein drinks and apple juice, I tried to eat some sugarfree jello but I couldn't deal with the taste and threw it away. Tomorrow I will add some broth and some popsicles to the repertoire lol. I have to be on all liquids for the next 4 days then I move to soft foods. I know I didn't consume enough today and I've been getting something like hunger pangs but in a weird way.
It's funny to me though how I was so anxious to give you guys and update more than I was really worried about giving friends and family an update. Thanks for all the encouragement as I start this new phase of the this journey...now I want to come up with a name.....hmmm maybe "Sasha Fierce" a la Beyonce.
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