Days since surgery

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I try and keep my promises

My sister's weddding went well, it wore us out though we had a bridesmaid/wedding coordinator drop out about 4 days before the wedding so all new decor had to be wrangled because she was provided the table decorations.  My sister basically offended the whole bridal party so there was this tension that I was afraid it was gonna ruin the whole weekend.  Luckily we got past that because as maid of honor, although offended, I had to stay focused on the big picture and be the middle man.  My mom upset me because she tried to justify my sister's behavior as usual, she wonders why I keep most of emotions inside because these people don't get me and my older sister has always been the one that needs all this attention and tiptoeing (sp) around.  I will post pics from the wedding as soon as I get some.  Believe or not after the wedding weekend I had gained weight and I didn't eat a lot of real food but I think the grazing on crap on the go did the trick plus PMS is always good for some nice weight gain due to water retention.  Luckily it didn't take but a couple of days to get back to my pre-wedding weight but it has been fluctuating up and down about 1-2 lbs. 
My eating has been less than stellar, I've been eating too many carbs and not enough protein and it is reflecting in my energy level (lack thereof) and my lack of weight loss.  I am ready to get back on track I also went in for another fill this week and my doc says that Im just short of 4ccs but sometimes I feel like I don't have a band still.  I can't eat as much as I used to but I sometimes get hungrier sooner than I should, Dr. D. says that the average sweet spot for people with my band is around 5ccs but it is different with everyone but you have to take your time to get there.  My first thought was why not start with 5ccs and go down from there, but thats just my impatient ass.
I haven't been keeping up with blogs and obviously not posting but I am going to catch up this weekend.  I have just been so tired lately.  I have to get my energy up and I know that means I need to get my fatass moving, but on the exercise front I have "watched" quite a few exercise routines on tv this week....yes I have watched them but haven't quite made it off the couch yet lol!  My mom actually watched with me one night and we got a good laugh...baby steps people...baby steps.
I am anemic and I know because I haven't been up on my vitamins and because my cycle has been on that is the main reason for my low energy.  I have fibroids so when my cycle is on the blood loss is outrageous which leaves me drained.  Thankfully it's gone now so hopefully that and my lower carb intake will help.
I've noticed that when I eat pasta or rice during the day I instantly get tired, before I would eat pasta and maybe a couple of hours later feel sluggish but now I eat it and within 10 mins I want a nap so bad I could cry.  I had this nasty smart ones frozen pasta meal one day for lunch and I ate about half of it threw it away and within minutes couldn't keep my eyes open.  So that makes it easier for me to want to limit that stuff especially while I'm at work.
My best friend also got married last week, so I had 2 weddings in like 5 days, 1 on Sunday and then another one on Friday, but luckily his was just a small ceremony at a nice restaurant and I didn't have to "do" anything but be there and show my support.  As my dinner entree I chose this flounder stuffed with crabmeat and it was delish but the portion size was huge so I mostly at the crabmeat but still a good bit got thrown away and I have to start learning how to not feel bad about that.
A friend of mine who had the lapband about 5 years ago has recently been motivated to actively work her band again, becaus initially I think she got it because she could, lost about 40lbs and then got kind of content with where she was, I don't know if I motivated her or not but she has been actively working the band now.  We were talking about how she still struggle with not ordering the large size because it seems to be a better deal. like if the difference between the small and large is only 50 cent why not just get the large, but then you feel bad for wasting so you end up trying to eat or drink more than you want or should.  You might as well just get the small to begin with because the deal isn't a deal if you are throwing it away. 
Also dealing with what my grandma used to say "your eyes are bigger than your belly", and with the band that literally becomes true,  when you do get hungry you think hell I'm so hungry I can eat 10 chicken wings,  no you can't, physically you cannot, but we are so used to being able to put away the food, probably used to be able to eat damn near 20, but now more 5 is more realistic.  But ordering 5 wings just doesn't look like enough, but it is and when will our minds get that.
I realized that I have lost 10% of my body weight so I will be posting pics soon, well really the wedding pictures can represent that loss, but I get frustrated because I want to lose more faster, I am happy with my progress and I feel the difference in my clothes, but I still feel like because I'm so big 40lbs is barely noticeable whereas on someone smaller it would be huge...patience I know, but it is not my strong suit and I have to fight the urge to self sabotage, that's the old me, me and Beyonce have work to do, I want to be at least about 8lbs down for a total of 50lbs before my birthday in December, of course 60lbs down would be better but I am not setting myself up for that kinda pressure...

2 comments:

amandakiska said...

Thanks for the update! It sounds like you've had a busy and stressfull couple of weeks. Now that things are quieter, I am confident you'll get back on track.

Justawallflower said...

it sounds like we have a lot in common! Last time I lost weight, it took 35 pounds before I felt like I had lost 5! and now I have to start over again. I also share your views on ordering bigger sizes and wasting what you don't eat, so forcing yourself to eat it! Sorry the wedding experience (or leading up to it) was so stressful! Hopefully now you can get back in your element and can get back on track!