Days since surgery

Sunday, August 20, 2006

I thought this was cute...

I stole this from cycling chick site...You go to google and type in "your name needs", for example "Shermi needs" but since my real name brings nothing I used my nickname, "Mimi needs" and you list the responses that come up

1. Mimi needs home
2.Mimi needs to stop helping where it's not needed.
3. Mimi needs to accept what happened.
4. Aunt Mimi needs help!
5. Mimi needs to confide in Bonnie
6. Mimi needs to approach her husband not state Clair is his..
7. Mimi needs to know all the requirements, at a fairly detailed level
8. Mimi needs to move on and leave Shawn with Belle
9. Mimi needs to get off Belle's *** because at least Belle is being honest, something Mimi ... I think mimi needs to kick belle's @$$.. Belle makes me sick. ...
10. Seems Mimi needs her mommy's tits to recharge her backbone. ...
12. Mimi needs to find more things to do while her g/f is working her ass off to have a better life for them. Their relationship isn't healthy and I hope they ...

I guess I have some issues to work out (with my husband and my girlfriend...)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable.
You pull punches, but people still love you.

You Are a Sensitive Kisser

For you, kissing is a way to connect

And you need lot of care, attention, and privacy

It may take you a while to kiss someone...

But when you do, it's total fireworks

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Stuck in a rut

I am the master of self sabotage...I wake up every day and say I am going to exercise today and stay on points. But somewhere during the day I eat something I shouldn't and I start the day journaling and then stop. I have not consistently exercised in weeks. I am at 39lbs lost now, I have been stuck between 39 and 45lbs for the last month or two. I need to get on the ball, I was watching an old Oprah and they talked about feeling that you are worthy and how the way we feel about ourselves is developed when we are young. It is so true I never felt good enough in my family, I never felt truly loved or maybe I knew they loved me but never felt liked. I was very smart but being smart wasn't cool or popular (to me) so alot of my accomplishments I kept to myself.
I have let fear, self doubt and self sabotage control my entire life. In order for me to live the life God intended for me I have to change that voice in my head.


Thursday, July 27, 2006

I know, I know

It has been a month since I last blogged and it's been pretty diet-wise, I had gotten up to 45lbs lost but with some yo-yoing I am sitting at 40lbs lost right now. My exercising has gone to the dogs and so has my journaling, every week I vow to buckle down but I don't. I have been under way too much stress, my boyfriend and I are somewhat broken up and my sister just lost a baby...she was 7 months pregnant
It's been horrible and my comfort has been usual...just not as much as usual. But I really must get back on the ball I can't go back to what I was.
But it's crazy because guys are flirting and it makes me can't be the weight loss because I am still way,way,way too fat. I think it must be because my confidence has gone up. Although now that I have been kinda stuck, it's not as high as it was....
Why is this so damn hard?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Trying to blog is so generic

I am just experimenting with the picture thing. This is me about 35 lbs down.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Baby Mama Drama

Speaking as the mother of someone's child who I am not married to, at what point do people get it? The relationship is over, you didn't make it, you will always be connected because of the child/children but they are not a high joker, trump card, or pawn piece. Don't use your children to get want you want from someone who is clearly trying to move on with their life.
Well, my boyfriend and I are having some issues with his ex right now and it is wreaking havoc on my eating habits. I weigh in today and lost .2lbs, that is what I gain last week, I am so ready to move down to the next lower tenths.
I was watching a show I think on TLC about a man who weighed a half of a ton and I realize I really have to get back focused. Stuff like that seems impossible but when I was complaining about being fat at 138lbs, I would have thought getting to 400lbs was impossible. Yet I have been there.
I have resolved to focus less on my relationship issues and more on my issues, I am out to make a better me, and although I have no greater cheerleader (he'll hate that) than my boyfriend I have to be happy with me before I can truly be happy with him...I am being patient with his process and so he will have to grant me the same courtesy.
Well will add some more later...just had a lil time and thought I would post trying to make it a habit.

Friday, June 02, 2006


Last week, I gained a pound and left the meeting with the resolve to get back on track with counting points etc, but no such thing happened. I ate what I felt was alot, I did start a new exercise dvd "Slim in 6" and boy after the first time I did it, I woke up crazy sore. But it must have made a difference because my eating was so horrible, when I went to weigh in on Tuesday, I just knew the gain was gonna be big, I felt bigger, I was expected like 5lbs+, I took my son and nephew to the meeting with me and told them to be prepared to slap me if I passed out. But to my surprise I only gained .2lbs which they said I could get rid of by going to the bathroom. You would think that grace would have gotten me in line.....but not so much.
Yesterday a friend brought me a breakfast bowl from Hardees, biscuit,sausage, egg smothered in sausage gravy. It was very good but with every bite I winced....I didn't eat it all but most of it then I looked up the nutritional info and it was 19.5 points.....HOLY COW! Then on top of it I had lo mein last nite. I suck!!!!
Today is a new day, I know I am PMSing but still. This is the first time since starting that I gained 2 weeks in a row...not trying for a third I need to be very strict this weekend. I have to regain focus and remember the big picture.
I have started to realize how much I use food for comfort, my boyfriend and I have been having some challenges and same thing with my family and think that is why my eating has been out of whack. I am trying to channel it into exercise.....pray for me.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I am bad at this blog thing, I will say it again, although I am still maintaining this diet thing...I am down 42.2lbs as of last weeks weigh in and I feel alot differently. There are alot of days I wake up and don't feel I have lost a pound. I think it's weird that I still havent completely moved down a size, alot of my clothes are big, but some of them still fit.
I did actually buy a dress from Target a couple of weeks ago, so you are like "and....." but do you know how long it has been since I could buy something from a "regular" store, even the plus size sections that thankfully almost everyone has now. Things that most people take for granted are going to be big for me after having to shop almost exclusively in one store. Avenue is great and all but they have gotten way too much money from me.
Also the salon where I get spa pedicures have these really nice massage chairs and the arms lift up so u can get up in the chair, the last time I went to the salon I couldn't put the arm down, but I went last week and guess what.....I was like wow, those are the things that motivate you.
Last night I watched Oprah's Legend's Ball and I cried, but I thought how dare I be afraid to live the life God purposed when so many before me sacrificed so much for us to have the right to be anything we wanted to be. Fear didnt stop them and though I am getting a late start I am going to find my purpose and live my best life. How dare I waste most of my 20's and half of my 30's in a body that didn't represent my best self. Well it's all gonna change...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I am a sad blogger

Please forgive me, my intentions are good. Everyday i say I am gonna post and everyday I read other people's blogs and never make it to my own. Well the latest is that I have now officially lost 35lbs since 1/2/06 when I joined WW. Now I am weighing in tonight and it is my TOM so there may be a gain. I have been slacking on my working out too, when it's this time I don't feel like doing much.
I found out last week that I am anemic which explains why lately I have to drag myself kicking and screaming out of bed to do anything. Even though I am fat, I never used to veg out like I have been lately.
Yesterday I went to court, unfortunately I had to file for a child support order and the court date was yesterday. My son's father didnt show. Well I am expecting the panicked phone call as soon as he finds out how much he has to pay. He and I get along well, he is just bad at managing his money, so if I am not there when he cashes his check the money never gets to me. His intentions aren't bad though. I think this will work out because the money will be out before he even sees it.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

"Ooooh, look Nana a big one"

Can you believe this little kid sitting in a stroller said that about me....I truly felt like a freak of nature. It was enough to make the old me go and grab something sweet to eat...but I didn't, I just walked away fast because "Nana" was distracted and didn't know what the baby was pointing at. It is crazy because I almost fear innocent little ones now, they are just being honest.
But for some good news, yesterday I had to go to a Yankees game as a teambuilding exercise for my job. After parking the car we had a good little walk to actually get to the field and then when we got there, I looked up and there were all these steps to climb, well I was looking around for the elevator. But I climbed them and was proud, but if we'd done this in December I never would have made it, what a difference 2 months made. ...I want to thank Leslie Sansone (Walk Away the pounds dvd) for making this possible.

On top of all that at WI last nite I was down 4lbs.....damn if that wasnt a hallelujah day!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I'm not a playa....I just crush alot

I am tired...for real tired. I am tired of being fat, I used to be fine yall, you know "phat". I was...for real. But the problem is, that was 20 years ago and i was in high school and damn I am tired of reminiscing about it. It's not too late, although way too many of my young adult years have been spent in the land of morbid obesity. I just wanna shop at more stores, I just wanna play basketball with my son, I just wanna go somewhere and not have to gauge the strength of the chair, I wanna conquer my fear of chairs with arms, I wanna not be in fear when I am around little kids who don't know that it is rude to say "she is fat". Or they just stare at me in awe, simple awe. I could be a cartoon character. I wanna.....this could go forever. The funny thing is, I considered weight loss surgery but they say it should be a last resort, when you have tried everything else, and after some honesty with myself I had to admit I haven't tried much. I know you are thinking, how the hell someone gets to 400lbs without trying every diet. I was too damn smart for my own good and a natural skeptic. I can tell you about every diet and the flaws of the diet. My weight has been an area where my high IQ, low optimism, and high skepticism have been my biggest roadblocks.
As of 1/2/06 I joined weight watchers using their flex plan and as of today I am down 27lbs from 398.4 to 371.4. The highest weight I know of is 400lbs but who really weighs themself when you are that big. Not to mention where do you weigh yourself. I am putting myself out there yall hope you enjoy the read.