I am trying to become the best me I can and shed the weight that's protected me forever. I'm a single mother to a beautiful son. I was banded on 9/8/10 and my band is named Sasha...Ms. Fierce if you nasty!
I have my first fill next week and I am anxious for it, I missed that feeling of satiation coming earlier rather than later and I am subsisting mostly on willpower, now don't get me wrong I can't eat as much as I used to but depending on the time of day 1 cup or less doesn't get me there. I don't expect the first fill to completely get me there either, but it will be a step towards getting me in to that good place. Hmmmm, maybe I will be one of those people like Catherine and get to the sweet spot early and ride the wave to skinnydom. Not!!!
Anyways this is my food plan for work today. Breakfast: Crustless quiche bite (adapted from Eggface) (I eat 1 or 2 depending) made with eggs, sausage, onions and cooked in a small muffin pan. So convenient, pretty much all protein, I'm gonna keep experimenting with ingredients I used what was on hand, next time add some green in it. Snack: Chobani peach greek yogurt (good protein and my new love) Lunch: Meatballs
I know you guys are probably like who cares...lol...but maybe someone new to this banded thing may find it interesting....
Oh, I can finally tell I'm losing weight, it's been kinda funky because at times I couldn't feel it, I'm like damn you so fat that 35lbs gone and you can't even tell it, but I can't feel it and see it a little now. Yippee!!!!
Oh yeah, in other news, I totally sat my wide booty in an chair with arms and didn't have to sit at the very edge of the chair, I actually kinda sat back, I usually avoid chairs with arms at all cost, I carry a lot of weight in the hip region, family curse/blessing. Now mind you, you probably couldn't have buttered a piece of notebook paper and slid it along side of me, but the point is my arse was in the chair, and I take the victories as they come.
Next up, getting rid of my seatbelt extender!
Yeppers today is weigh in day and I am down 34.6lbs and i am super pleased. I weigh everyday don't get me wrong but I am gonna record it on Fridays, this week has been rough though because most of the time I am surviving on willpower and luckily most of the time when I think I want something when I get it I really don't. Also had had some weight fluctuations because it was TTOM and that's always good for a good 3-5lbs, I retain water like a camel, swollen ankles and all.
**** NSV alert****
I had my follow at the surgeons this week and they were quite happy with my progress but more happy that my heart rate has dropped by 20, blood pressure was on the high end of normal, gerd issues are gone (those disappeared after the hiatal hernia/tumor removal surgery). I felt guilty while I was there because I lied to the exercise lady and told her I had started exercise and I really have in my mind, but my resolution for next week is to exercise at least 3 days, I know what I can do is still limited but I can do my walking and I will, you guys hold me to it.
My surgeon tells me that if I don't feel I need a fill in 2 weeks I can reschedule the appointment, the heck I will I don't really feel restriction now, I get hungry too soon and it's hunger that hurts and it appears out of nowhere. But I am trying to be good because I don't want to gain too much during bandster hell, I want the scale to continue downward. I need to lose 10.4 more to make my birthday goal.
A lot of my blog buddies are in Chicago with the BOOBS and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, but I will be at the next get together believe that! I hope they have a great time, I am there in spirit.
(I was gonna round by loss number up to 35 but I said a day will come when those .2, .4 etc losses/gains are gonna be crucial to my mental stability so no rounding up!!!)
1.. Last week we asked your favorite thing about being an adult. This week the question is: what is one thing you miss about being a child?
• I miss the innocence of it all, the play outside all day just be inside before dark, not worrying about pedophiles and gunplay. I miss using my imagination, our video game was for after dark mostly (ATARI) because we played hard outside, we had an old cabinet we used as a stove, we picked a certain leaf to make collard greens, the leaves a certain fern was our rice (wow food theme), and certain rocks in water was our stew. We created games out of what was outside, kids these days don't have to think as much they make toys to simulate everything. I missed that freedom of creativity without the stress of responsibility, I miss be able to read in a corner for hours on end to escape to other worlds without having to worry about other things I should be doing.
2. When you make a serious life decision – do you use your head or your heart?
More often than not it's my head and I regret sometimes because it takes the spontaneity out of it and it has allowed to make excuses for not doing things. So what if it doesn't always work out, sometimes it does and maybe the journey to the end would've been fun.
3. In relation to blogs….are you a never commenter, a sometimes commenter, an almost always commenter or a direct emailer kinda person?
I'm a sometimes commenter, I comment when something moves me, but I am trying to be better about it especially for new bloggers because I know how much it meant to me when the people who inspire me (Draz, Steph, Amanda, Grace, Pamela, Cindylew, Miss Vickie...etc) consistently comment on my posts. But I definitely still lurk alot!
4. If life was a flavor – would it be savory, sweet or sour?
I think maybe savory, but probably because i like the way that sounds, and thought of being able savor everything about living.
5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in life or in blogland.
Well as a banded newbie this has been a week of getting acquainted with my new buddy Sasha Fierce, it's been about going back to work and making a committment to a new life. it's been about loving all you guys for showing me what is possible the good and the bad, the realistic and unrealistic, the thrill of victories and the way over obstacles.
Sometimes I feel like I opted out of my 30's, now that 40 is looming I sometimes regret having spent my 30's so overweight, so many missed opportunities, things that I passed on because of my weight. I sometimes wish I were more like Amy W. with the whole reverse body dysmorphic disorder because she never stop fully living. I hate that my son has missed out on things and lacks the confidence that he should have and I think that is a reflection on me. Now don't get me wrong I'm not a person that thinks I'm ugly or doesn't date or anything like that, but that whole not participating in things because I don't to run in to people that knew me when.
I think that can be a curse from being in the "in" crowd in high school, hell I was president of the entire student body, I ran assemblies and made morning announcements, everyone knew me. Well when you let your weight get so far out of control that old popularity can become a burden.
I am excited to now have a real chance to change my life, I know it's not too late, I know things happen when they are supposed to but I hope it is not too late to set an example for my son. I don't want him to allowed fear to stop him from living the life he is supposed to live. Even before the weight issue I developed a fear of failure and of taking chances. I saw myself as a realist a person who weighed the pros and cons, but I know now I used that as an excuse to not do things. I became a self-saboteur and now it pisses me off.
I should have been the attorney I dreamed of being since I was a baby, I should have written the books that I have literally felt called to write since I was young (ironically my son has been writing books since he was 3/4 years old when I taught him to read), but I get in my own way. One of the reasons I think my weight got out of control is because it provided that excuse not to live, I have a personality that tends to make people cater to me, I am always popular at work or anywhere even when I don't want to be. It is my blessing and my curse.
But now I am choosing life and life more abundantly, I am going to have my own best interest at heart. I can do this and Sasha is gonna make it possible...
Thanks for all the feedback on my crackhead birthday goals, I looked at a calendar and realized that's only about 13 weeks away, 30lbs riiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhttt! How about I strive for 15, I was gonna say 10 but I'm a big girl and I think that would be a cop out. I think a 1lb or 1.5lbs a week average is doable, I know how weight fluctuates from week to week and I am ready for that. In my experience because Im so heavy I lose a lot of weight initially faster than my counterparts half my size. Today is my first day of mushies and I must admit I cheated yesterday and had some grits and a really soft scrambled egg eaten very slowly the waiter thought something was wrong with them...lol. I was bad and didn't have any protein drink yesterday but I am on it this morning, but yesterday everytime I even thought about drinking it my stomach turned lol. Time to add some variety. I have to finish working on finalizing plans for my sister's bridal shower this Saturday, it is really crazy because I have never been to a bridal shower lol.
Well I just wanted to do a quick update and let you guys know that I don't live in LaLa land and that I have realistic expectations.
It's funny because my mom and sister have told everyone possible about me having lapband surgery and although I wasn't planning to keep it secret I do feel like everyone is going to monitor me now. I got a text from my coworker saying do you feel like you have lost weight yet, this was the day after surgery. My mom's friends are asking about weight loss, my sister's coworkers are asking if she can tell that I have lost weight yet. I better succeed because everyone and their mom is all up in my business.
I don't really feel it but as of this morning I am 31lbs down since 8/24, I am wondering when I start mushies will the scale stop moving every morning. I am not looking forward to the dreaded bandster hell and I pray Sasha has my back my first fill is scheduled for 10/7 which will be a month post op.
I am trying to come up with a realistic goal to strive for by my birthday on 12/20. It's 3 months away so would another 30 be too unrealistic. I'm going to give it more thought, also what's the exercise window post surgery, how long do I have to wait?
Man oh man, my son and I went to the bookstore per our usual weekend ritual plus I was getting stir crazy...I know my doc said wait a week before driving but since I'm not on the narcotic and have a good range of movement I drove. Anyhoo I order a unsweet tea (large out of habit) and started drinking, no straw as instructed, but I drank about a quarter of a cup, not real fast, but holy moly it felt like I was gonna burst, I felt super full, had to get up and walk around. I felt like I'd had a 12 course dinner and it lasted for hours not as bad but a full feeling. I have to focus on getting my protein in because I just can't drink a lot and especially my muscle milk I am going to try the isopure tomorrow and hopefully that helps. I have been subsisting on protein shake, tomato soup (a little, had to have it), apple juice, water, crush ice and today some gatorade. I have this weird sensation sometimes when I guess I'm hungry but they are painful hunger pangs and I swear I feel rise from one part of my stomach to another, really weird. And often I still don't have the desire to eat anything, so I will sip on the protein shake just cuz. I pour my drinks into this tiny cup like the kind you measure meds in, they gave them to me in the hospital to help me learn to sip. I have also been giving myself the blood thinner shots which my son is weirdly fascinated with. All and all today was a lot better. I went and got me some sugarfree popsicles, soup and other mushies since I start mushies Tuesday. Well that's all I have to report on Sasha and I we are still getting acquainted but she says she has my back...we'll see!
Well I can't believe it's done I can't believe it. The surgery was pretty routine quite a few people at the hospital remembered me from my previous stays. They were able to get my i.v. on the first try without calling in specialists, my surgeon was a little late getting in, I was his first of the day scheduled at 7:30am but I had to arrive at the hospital at 5:45a.m. My mom wondered why so early and I say if you are starving yourself why pick a later appointment, I want to get in and get it over with. Anyway all went well, but I must say that I had more pain this time then with the previous surgeries and I wanted to post so bad but I was getting really nauseous (I think it was from the morphine) and when I wasn't nauseous I could barely keep my eyes open, but I wanted to at least let you guys know it was a done deal. My mom told me that when my surgeon came out to talk to her he gave her the box that my band came in so she could "prove to Mimi that she got the band" Today I have been sipping on protein drinks and apple juice, I tried to eat some sugarfree jello but I couldn't deal with the taste and threw it away. Tomorrow I will add some broth and some popsicles to the repertoire lol. I have to be on all liquids for the next 4 days then I move to soft foods. I know I didn't consume enough today and I've been getting something like hunger pangs but in a weird way. It's funny to me though how I was so anxious to give you guys and update more than I was really worried about giving friends and family an update. Thanks for all the encouragement as I start this new phase of the this journey...now I want to come up with a name.....hmmm maybe "Sasha Fierce" a la Beyonce.
Well family, it is super early in the morning and I am on my way to the hospital for my surgery. I am my doc's first surgery of the day exactly how I wanted it. Keep me in your prayers and I will post as soon as I am coherent. Thanks for all the support despite my lousy blogging lately. All I know is that I better wake up with a band or you will be seeing me on the news lol!
For anyone new, BYOC stands for Bring Your Own Craziness and it’s 5 questions every Friday (unless I’m in Louisiana visiting gators and squashing skeeters) where we get to know each other better. Copy to your blog and answer if you want to….and have fun!!
1. In the spirit of back to school time - what is your favorite school supply?
* Like Draz I am a school supply freak, I love the supply aisle at any store, this time of year the sales on school supplies are like Christmas for me. Between St@ples, Office Dep0t, and T@rget, I thrive on supplies. My absolute fave thing has to be pens, I am a pen whore, it's so bad that I know that pharmaceutical sales reps used to give the best writing pens to the doctor offices and I would always steal them. At my primary care doc (being going since I was 17) his sister who works upfront would have stacks of pens waiting for me whenever I had an appointment and she was sad to tell me that new regulations prevent the pharm reps from leaving them anymore. I am a person that if you let me use your pen and I like the way it writes I will note what brand it is and go purchase. It is sick but my son has enough supplies to last him until college but every year at this time I'm in the stores again. (Thanks for this one, Draz)
2. Assume your house is on fire and the whole thing is going to burn to the ground and your loved ones are out and safe….and you have a few minutes to grab 5 things. Just five. What would they be?
* Any pictures I could grab, I too don't have a lot from my childhood, my mom was a kid herself when she got married and over the years has moved a lot and things just weren't kept.
* My flat screen t.v. just cause my bestie gave it to me when my son fell into mine and that was my first real expensive splurge for myself ever.
* My laptop
* This ugly house that my son made in kindergarten that now embarasses him and he hates that I won't throw it away but I think it's beautiful.
*Some underwear...self explanatory (especially if it's in the middle of the nite more than likely wont have any on lol)
3. In the spirit of my new found love on vacation – what is your favorite drink – alcoholic or not?
Toss up between a properly made Arnold Palmer (lemonade and sweet tea mix) and McD0nald's coke, I love coke in general but the ones in McD0nalds fountain are extra special.
4. When is your birthday (if you want to say, no year needed) and what is your Zodiac sign. Does your sign match your personality?
• December 20. I am a Sagittarius Traits of a Sagittarius woman: • Lacks tact at times very blunt-hecky yeah • Charming- yes • Realist see things how they are and says it-Def Yes • Optimistic but not irrational- most times I try to be • Very indepent love freedom-almost too much • Intelligent and philosophical-my nickname in middle school/high school was "the professor" • Holds no grudges – I rarely stay mad at anyone it becomes a nonissue quickly • Denies sadness– definitely a hider of feelings people think I'm ok when I'm so not. • Sensual – ummmm maybe?? • Indulgent– obviously to excess lol. • Impatient to be moving– I feel restless a lot.
• unlimited freedom • alternative or unusual ideas • being on the move • plentiful food and drink (no shit) • perfumes and beauty aids • gambling, raffles and lotteries ( not at all) • recreational flirting :)
Dislikes... • disapproval of others • being confined • administrative details • having their basic honesty doubted
5. A little spin on my repeat question. I usually ask which blog or comment stuck with you and why? You can answer that as usual or how about just giving a summary of your week or how you feel about blogland this past week or anything you noticed…does that make sense?
Let me just say the whole"Amy can tuck her shirt in her pants and look hot"stuck out to me damn her!!!!!
My pre-op diet is not going as stellar as it did the first time, I am doing good most of the time but I have eaten some things I shouldn't have and I think it is my self-sabotage kicking in. I just pray that this time the surgery is successful I am ready to get this show on the road. Last nite I let this 22 year old that has been crushing on me for the last 3 years come over and when had a talk, 3 years ago when he first starting liking me and flirting with me I was kind of in a lonely place and somehow we had a few encounters....not sex per se, but some make out sessions that got pretty intense (I'll leave it at that, I'm in denial). Anyway I could never really get into because damn he was 19 he is a sweetie but our priorities are completely different. Anyway apparently I left a lasting impression because over the last 3 years he has texted me hundreds of time trying to just see me, (we used to work in the same building, but I accepted a promotion that worked out of another building) but largely I avoided it because I thought what's the point. Last nite he talked about how much he missed me and the times we spent together were some of the best times he has ever had. It really make me think how it's funny how we can affect someone and not know the extent, he is a cute young guy, responsible, and hard-working and I was his buddy first so I know I am not his type and I tell him that but he says I am his exception and he thinks I'm sexy. Well I am not good with compliments as it is but coming from a 19 year old I really wasnt believing it, but the fact that 3 years after we last saw each other he is still trying to have some sort of relationship and he just wants to see me anywhere, anyway, that just flabbergasts me. Then today my son and I hung out with my most recent ex-boyfriend. I've mentioned him before, he is the one who offered to pay for the gym membership (I haven't taken advantage of but told him I definitely will after the surgery). Anyway we went to eat today and then to see the movie The American with George Clooney. We always have a good time and we are very comfortable with each other but I know he is still seeing his most recent ex (the girl after me) and he is also having mad baby mama drama. He is the primary custody holder of his son but recently the son's mother moved here to Tampa and she still wants to be with him even though he wants nothing to do with her and she has a problem with his most recent ex, so they argue constantly. He let me listen to a part of their convo today and if he has to go thru that everytime they talk I see why he says he is exhausted. I love his son but I can't see him, because of the situation with the mom, the fact that the ex is still around, it is too much to throw me back in the mix. It hurts me though because although I didn't think I could ever get back with my ex, although our relationship was great, when I hang out with him I miss him. I just don't have a place and I don't like that even though he swears I do and I see his conflicted between my feelings for me and doing what's right for his son. I think I am going to step back again and just focus on what's going on in my life and get it together and the rest will work out. Ok enough of the that....in about 55 hours I am scheduled or surgery, I need all the prayers I can get guys so hook me up!!!