I am trying to become the best me I can and shed the weight that's protected me forever. I'm a single mother to a beautiful son. I was banded on 9/8/10 and my band is named Sasha...Ms. Fierce if you nasty!
Well I had my first visit to a restaurant since being on my pre-op diet and at first I planned to just drink water because I thought it was too early to eat my one meal, I generally like to eat my meal for dinner. But I decided to go for it I order a turkey burger minus bun (they brought the bun) and a side of steamed broccoli instead of fries. The turkey burger was very flavorful and good and I don't know if it's because I haven't been eating much I really got satistied from the meal and there is no way before this that would have been enough. The restaurant has endless fries with sandwich orders so my son, brother, and nephew had the fries flowing and it was tempting to take one but I kept trying to remember the big picture and I ended up being very proud of myself. I may have to go to bed early tonight so I can avoid the whole food issue, Ive had one protein shake today and push comes to shove that is what I will drink for dinner tonight. I think I'm gonna make it!
I am currently on day 4 of my pre-op diets and I chose muscle milk protein shakes which are the best but I have had worse. They smell worse than they taste but if I pour them in the blender with a bunch of ice they are tolerable. I must admit that I have cheated a couple of times by eating a baby pickleand I am going to try and cut that out but sometimes I need that crunch during the day and when I tell you I eat that little pickle reaaaalllllyy slow, I do. For dinner I've been mostly eating chicken, one night I had tilapia fillets, side dishes have been broccoli, cabbage and occasionally I try to like cottage cheese, but it leaves something to be desired. The good new is that I am down 7 pounds since I went to the doctor Wednesday so that helps to keep me inspired not to mention I keep telling myself, this is not going to last forever, this is not going to last forever. If I am honest with myself most of the time I am not really hungry I just miss eating and sometimes I am at a loss with what to do with my time. I don't have a whole heck of lot of energy because there is plenty of cleaning up to do around the house. I try to read as many blogs and stay mentally busy as much as possible, there are some that are extra inspirational to me. My biggest inspiration today comes from Amy of Cheese and Sunkist blog; she accomplished a goal she set for herself and makes me think that those things that I "used to do" that I want to do again are indeed possible. If you haven't visited her blog do so! YAY Amy...you go girl!
Well yesterday I had my gallbladder post-op and my lapband pre-op appointment. I am so excited, I start my pre-op diet on Friday, 2 shakes and one no carb meal, they said I could have a protein, green veggies and cottage cheese (no other cheese) and absolutely no carbs. The gave me the spirometer for breathing after the surgery I have to bring it to the hospital with me and also they gave me the waste bucket for me to put in the needles I would need to use for blood thinner shots in the belly post surgery. I must say that out of everything that was described that gave me the most pause. My mom came as my support person she is excited for me as well. The countdown is on 2 weeks from today I will join the bandster club and get a fresh start to a healthier me, I look forward to being a success story. I've been looking around and seeing the little things that everyone takes for granted that I hope to be able to do, walk in somewhere and not be forced to scrutinize seating options to see if I can fit in a chair. I live in the sunshine state and almost all of the restaurants have outdoor seating but they rarely have sturdy or armless chairs outside...DAMNIT I wanna eat outside too lol! I picked up a 12 pack of muscle milk protein shakes although Ive never tasted them, but even if I dont like them I will suffer through because I dont have money to waste...so in the words of Tim Gunn I'm gonna make it work.
Today I am at my mom's helping her sell off the inventory from her short-lived thrift store dream. My little sister was supposed to run it but she lost interest and my mom is too busy to run it by herself.
I can't believe it I haven't posted this...I have a new surgery date...JUNE 9..WOOHOO! They worked it so that when I go for my gallbladder post-op appointment I have my lapband pre-op same day. That's the day I will I will get the info for my 2 week pre-op liquid diet... I can't wait, some people ask if I don't want to wait longer since I just went thru the gallbladder surgery, I am like nope I want to get it over with and since I have gotten over the fear of going "under" I am ready to get my journey underway. I almost freaked myself out last nite reading the posts on lapbandtalk.com about people who have problems with the band and one particular post where someone said its sad for them to see posts from people waiting to get banded when they have no idea what they are getting themselves into. It's like the band is sooo awful, but I had to tell myself that I know it doesn't work for everyone and it has it's risks, but so does being morbidly obese and there are more complications I face everyday being this size that I can risk possible complications with the band. I am going to take all my measurements prior to the start of the liquid diet. I really want to do a detailed accounting of measurements, pictures and regular weigh-ins throughout this process. I have been so inspired by various blogs like Catherine from Chronicles from bandland, and Amy W. from Cheese and Sunkist, and I think Mary from My Journey with the lap band is a beast. I hope that I too will be able to inspire someone with my story...if anyone every reads this lol.
It's weird because when I'm at work I wish I had more days off, but now that I have to sit home this week to recover, I almost want to be at work. I think it has something to do with being broke. I am sure when I am at work next week I will be kicking myself for the lunacy of this week.
I finished reading the book about Khaliah Ali and her lapband journey, it was a pretty good and it was weird because the book touched on something that I mentioned earlier in this blog, about how the goals between white patients and black patients are different. It mentioned that getting really thin is not a priority for many black patients and also not desired by their mates. It speaks to differences in culture.
I found out this week that Iman's daughter had gastric bypass surgery, I couldnt imagine the pressure of having a supermodel mom and being morbidly obese. My mom had my sister and I at a young age so she is very pretty and youthful and pretty and it does make difference in how you see yourself. I am anxious to get started on my journey, I turn 40 at the end of this year and I want to make some headway in getting this weight off by the time my birthday gets here. I have a long journey ahead but at least I will be on the right path. I am hoping when I go in for my gallbladder followup I can get my pre-op for the lapband scheduled.
I feel like I cheated myself out of alot of my 30's being trapped by my size and I feel that my son was cheated out of alot of possibilities as well. He is 12 now and I want to be able to do alot more things with him before he is an adult..so I aint wasting no more time!
Well I had my surgery on Wednesday and I must admit there was some anxiety beforehand mostly due to never having been put under before. I remember them taking me to the operation room and moving me to the operating table, the anesthetist told me she was putting something under my back and the next thing I know I was waking up with a dry mouth and extremely sore throat. I dont remember much about recovery, when I got to my room I just remember not being able to keep my eyes open for more than 2 minutes at a time. Thanks to the morphine my pain was kept under control. They put me on soft foods yesterday morning and Dr. Dietrick came by to see me and told me everything went smoothly, I have to make a followup appointment with him in 2 weeks. I also asked again and he says that I should wait about 4 weeks before trying to do the lapband surgery. I am glad to have gotten this taken care of, but it is kind of a bummer to have gotten a surgery date and having to postpone it. I have been reading some tremendous blogs that make me more anxious to begin my journey. I guess by the time this convalescence is over I will have read all kinds of blogs. I am also gonna try and get some light walking in and log my eating for the nutritionists' log.
It's weird the closer I get to the surgery a little more anxious I get. It's not the gallbladder that makes me leery, it's the general anesthesia that I'm a bit nervous about. I've had 2 surgeries in my life and that was surgery on my toe and my ceasarian section when my son was born. The strange thing to me is how they can pull a baby almost 9lbs out of me while I'm awake and cut wide open, but for laparoscopic surgery with small incisions and a little old gallbladder and for that they knock me out.
I know everything will be okay but once you have kids it makes you think about the what ifs. I know my son is worried although he's been really cool about it, when I first told him I had to have my gallbladder removed he says "Well...are they going to replace it?" I told him apparently it's not something I need to have lol.
Today I picked up a book from the library called "Fighting Weight, How I achieve weight loss with "banding" a new procedure that eliminates hunger-FOREVER" the story about Khaliah Ali, daughter of Muhammed Ali and the story of her weight struggles and having lapband surgery when it was fairly new in the U.S. Just by flipping through it looks like she went from about 325lbs to around 150. I will post my review once I'm done reading it.
I forgot to say in the last post that I have been approved for surgery and actually had a surgery date scheduled May 24, I was supposed to have my pre-op appointment on May 11, but lo and behold who ends up in the E.R. last weekend with a gallbladder attack, so now I have to have my gallbladder removed and that is scheduled for the 12th. I am using the same surgeon for my gallbladder surgery that will also be doing my lapband surgery. I am so anxious to get started on my weight loss journey and hate having it delayed but Dr. Dietrick (my surgeon) said that it's better that the gallbladder issue presented itself now instead of later to lower the risk of infection. So I will have to delay for another 2 to 4 weeks. It's incredible that a person who has never been under general anesthesia will be undergoing 2 surgeries in a month. I know that my pre-op liquid diet will be challenging but I am determined to do whatever it takes because Ive been caged by this weight for far too long and there are things I want to do and I'm missing out due to my weight.
I am about to start a new phase in this fight, I have decided to have lap band surgery. It still won't be easy but it will provide me with some ammunition to help me fight this war, I still have to learn to use the weapons to my advantage. I have seen both success and failure in people who have had the surgery, the difference being the work that each individual puts in to make it work.
I had a friend who thought she'd just have the surgery and the wake up skinny. She didnt really change her eating habits, she ate around the band. She never got her scheduled fills and someohow felt that the band didn't work, but she didn't put in any work.
I have more realistic expectations and I have been reading some incredibly inspiring blogs of people who had great success with the band and seen their frustration and their triumph. Although I havent found a good blog of someone who starting weight was as high as mine and I also hope to find more African American success stories. If I have to I plan to be a example of both of these thing...in the meantime I'll keep looking.
The reason the black thing is important to me is because so many in our community suffer from obesity and although I know the band isn't attainable for everyone, I would like there to be more examples that people can relate to culturally. The weight standard is different in the black community, in most cases the ideal bmi on the doctor's scale would be consider "too skinny".
I just want to be healthy and do things that most people take for granted...