My pre-op diet is not going as stellar as it did the first time, I am doing good most of the time but I have eaten some things I shouldn't have and I think it is my self-sabotage kicking in. I just pray that this time the surgery is successful I am ready to get this show on the road.
Last nite I let this 22 year old that has been crushing on me for the last 3 years come over and when had a talk, 3 years ago when he first starting liking me and flirting with me I was kind of in a lonely place and somehow we had a few encounters....not sex per se, but some make out sessions that got pretty intense (I'll leave it at that, I'm in denial). Anyway I could never really get into because damn he was 19 he is a sweetie but our priorities are completely different. Anyway apparently I left a lasting impression because over the last 3 years he has texted me hundreds of time trying to just see me, (we used to work in the same building, but I accepted a promotion that worked out of another building) but largely I avoided it because I thought what's the point.
Last nite he talked about how much he missed me and the times we spent together were some of the best times he has ever had. It really make me think how it's funny how we can affect someone and not know the extent, he is a cute young guy, responsible, and hard-working and I was his buddy first so I know I am not his type and I tell him that but he says I am his exception and he thinks I'm sexy. Well I am not good with compliments as it is but coming from a 19 year old I really wasnt believing it, but the fact that 3 years after we last saw each other he is still trying to have some sort of relationship and he just wants to see me anywhere, anyway, that just flabbergasts me.
Then today my son and I hung out with my most recent ex-boyfriend. I've mentioned him before, he is the one who offered to pay for the gym membership (I haven't taken advantage of but told him I definitely will after the surgery). Anyway we went to eat today and then to see the movie The American with George Clooney. We always have a good time and we are very comfortable with each other but I know he is still seeing his most recent ex (the girl after me) and he is also having mad baby mama drama. He is the primary custody holder of his son but recently the son's mother moved here to Tampa and she still wants to be with him even though he wants nothing to do with her and she has a problem with his most recent ex, so they argue constantly. He let me listen to a part of their convo today and if he has to go thru that everytime they talk I see why he says he is exhausted. I love his son but I can't see him, because of the situation with the mom, the fact that the ex is still around, it is too much to throw me back in the mix. It hurts me though because although I didn't think I could ever get back with my ex, although our relationship was great, when I hang out with him I miss him. I just don't have a place and I don't like that even though he swears I do and I see his conflicted between my feelings for me and doing what's right for his son. I think I am going to step back again and just focus on what's going on in my life and get it together and the rest will work out.
Ok enough of the that....in about 55 hours I am scheduled or surgery, I need all the prayers I can get guys so hook me up!!!
Today Is A Hard Day
2 days ago