I knew it could happen but I think we all secretly think it wont happen to us...the scale is up 4-5lbs from my lowest and it started with my cycle but it hasnt disappeared and my eating has been crap so I know why. I don't have restriction and I'm in the bandster hell I've read about and I don't like it.
Plus I feel like everyone is watching me, my sister asked me today how much I've lost I said well on any given day between 38-42lbs and she says well thats really not alot, really bitch I bet you can't do it in 2 months. Because when you count the presurgery diet...(which excuse me people is all willpower) and this hell that I'm in now with no restriction, this weight was lost through my effort, not from the band.
But I can't make excuses I want this to bad...so I'm going to schedule me another fill next week, but this week I'm getting real basic even breaking out the protein shakes almost pre-op style, the thought of going up in weight is making me depressed and depression makes me want to eat. I gotta get my head right though and persevere I can't go back and losing weight feels so good.
I apologize again for my lackluster blogging, but even this post tonight took effort because I'm in such a funk and I am the type to hold bad feelings in because I don't feel like people get me, a prime example is the b.s. my sister said to me today, how would I ever be able to go to her and explain what I'm going through she is already looking at me like I failed.
I will keep you guys posted on my progress this week!
p.s. apologize again for the last post about bodily functions but it weirds me out.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
What happened to silent Farts!
I just read Amy W's blog and it made me remember something that I've meaning to ask you guys, I get gas daily, not always the painful kind but just "I gotta fart" type gas. But what has happened to my fart I no longer have short, small farts EVER. THEY DON'T GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT EVER!!! They are loud and long and if I'm really honest they come in both scented and unscented but they are sooooooo long and sooooooooooooooooo loud, I can't dare try to sneak one out anywhere, ever. I want my old farts back...not cool and not ladylike at all...
I know all of this is TMI but who else can help me but you guys!!
I know all of this is TMI but who else can help me but you guys!!
First time stuck...check!
Well Saturday I took my bestie and my flirt buddy some Popeye's chicken on their lunch break. So we are all sitting there chatting and laughing and I break off a little piece of biscuit. I popped said little piece of biscuit in my mouth and chewed a little but in the midst of running my darn mouth I swallowed it and as it was going down I'm thinking will it get stuck, but I said nah nothing gets stuck and the piece wasn't that big. But it sat there and I could feel it. I didn't know if the legendary sliming would start so I asked quickly to be let in the building to get some ice and while inside and getting ice and pretending to be engaged in what was on tv I was stretching my hands above my head (a friend said it works) and kept swallowing I sipped a bit of water (tiny bit) and after a little while I felt it going down. So no sliming and it didn't come back up, but I have learned my lesson (I think), less talking more chewing.
Saturday my son was spending the night at my ex's house, so although it was not in the budget I got me a hotel room and stayed there all by my lonesome. I really needed to rest because I don't know if I have fully gotten into it here but I am temporarily staying at my mom's house, I am wating for my newly married sister to find a place and I am going to take over her place. She has bargain rent for a great amount of space in an ideal location. Having said that my son is on one couch and I am on another, my mom has two foster kids and they each have their own room but we sleep in the middle of the house and because I'm a light sleeper I don't feel like I am ever fully rested. So I got a nice room and slept and watched t.v. I had planned to blog but it was my first time pulling out my laptop since my sister's wedding weekend and it looks like they left my power cord in the hotel room, I just ordered that cord and the housekeeping department won't call me back so I am going to have to pay them a visit.
Oh and some chick called the room I was staying in and when I answered there was a pause and she says "Obviously I got the wrong number" I was like okay and then she asked for someone Sheldon? or something like that I was like no you have the wrong number.
Well after I took a nap and ran out to grab something to eat I was watching tv and heard a knock at the door, but no one knew where I was so at first I thought maybe it was next door. Then they knocked again so I went and answer by looking through the peephole and it was a lady basically saying that she was the one that had called earlier and that she was looking for some dude and he had lost his phone and that this room was the last place she knew him to be. I told her well he is not here (all this through the door) and she stood there for a while like she didn't believe me and then she finally says ok thanks but still seemed hesitant about leaving. I said dang drama is following me and I don't even know these people.
On the weight front I am up about 4lbs from my lowest and fluctuating around 40lbs down, I am focusing on my eating again and I am tempted to go for another fill but I am going to give it another week or two and see what happens.
Saturday my son was spending the night at my ex's house, so although it was not in the budget I got me a hotel room and stayed there all by my lonesome. I really needed to rest because I don't know if I have fully gotten into it here but I am temporarily staying at my mom's house, I am wating for my newly married sister to find a place and I am going to take over her place. She has bargain rent for a great amount of space in an ideal location. Having said that my son is on one couch and I am on another, my mom has two foster kids and they each have their own room but we sleep in the middle of the house and because I'm a light sleeper I don't feel like I am ever fully rested. So I got a nice room and slept and watched t.v. I had planned to blog but it was my first time pulling out my laptop since my sister's wedding weekend and it looks like they left my power cord in the hotel room, I just ordered that cord and the housekeeping department won't call me back so I am going to have to pay them a visit.
Oh and some chick called the room I was staying in and when I answered there was a pause and she says "Obviously I got the wrong number" I was like okay and then she asked for someone Sheldon? or something like that I was like no you have the wrong number.
Well after I took a nap and ran out to grab something to eat I was watching tv and heard a knock at the door, but no one knew where I was so at first I thought maybe it was next door. Then they knocked again so I went and answer by looking through the peephole and it was a lady basically saying that she was the one that had called earlier and that she was looking for some dude and he had lost his phone and that this room was the last place she knew him to be. I told her well he is not here (all this through the door) and she stood there for a while like she didn't believe me and then she finally says ok thanks but still seemed hesitant about leaving. I said dang drama is following me and I don't even know these people.
On the weight front I am up about 4lbs from my lowest and fluctuating around 40lbs down, I am focusing on my eating again and I am tempted to go for another fill but I am going to give it another week or two and see what happens.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I try and keep my promises
My sister's weddding went well, it wore us out though we had a bridesmaid/wedding coordinator drop out about 4 days before the wedding so all new decor had to be wrangled because she was provided the table decorations. My sister basically offended the whole bridal party so there was this tension that I was afraid it was gonna ruin the whole weekend. Luckily we got past that because as maid of honor, although offended, I had to stay focused on the big picture and be the middle man. My mom upset me because she tried to justify my sister's behavior as usual, she wonders why I keep most of emotions inside because these people don't get me and my older sister has always been the one that needs all this attention and tiptoeing (sp) around. I will post pics from the wedding as soon as I get some. Believe or not after the wedding weekend I had gained weight and I didn't eat a lot of real food but I think the grazing on crap on the go did the trick plus PMS is always good for some nice weight gain due to water retention. Luckily it didn't take but a couple of days to get back to my pre-wedding weight but it has been fluctuating up and down about 1-2 lbs.
My eating has been less than stellar, I've been eating too many carbs and not enough protein and it is reflecting in my energy level (lack thereof) and my lack of weight loss. I am ready to get back on track I also went in for another fill this week and my doc says that Im just short of 4ccs but sometimes I feel like I don't have a band still. I can't eat as much as I used to but I sometimes get hungrier sooner than I should, Dr. D. says that the average sweet spot for people with my band is around 5ccs but it is different with everyone but you have to take your time to get there. My first thought was why not start with 5ccs and go down from there, but thats just my impatient ass.
I haven't been keeping up with blogs and obviously not posting but I am going to catch up this weekend. I have just been so tired lately. I have to get my energy up and I know that means I need to get my fatass moving, but on the exercise front I have "watched" quite a few exercise routines on tv this week....yes I have watched them but haven't quite made it off the couch yet lol! My mom actually watched with me one night and we got a good laugh...baby steps people...baby steps.
I am anemic and I know because I haven't been up on my vitamins and because my cycle has been on that is the main reason for my low energy. I have fibroids so when my cycle is on the blood loss is outrageous which leaves me drained. Thankfully it's gone now so hopefully that and my lower carb intake will help.
I've noticed that when I eat pasta or rice during the day I instantly get tired, before I would eat pasta and maybe a couple of hours later feel sluggish but now I eat it and within 10 mins I want a nap so bad I could cry. I had this nasty smart ones frozen pasta meal one day for lunch and I ate about half of it threw it away and within minutes couldn't keep my eyes open. So that makes it easier for me to want to limit that stuff especially while I'm at work.
My best friend also got married last week, so I had 2 weddings in like 5 days, 1 on Sunday and then another one on Friday, but luckily his was just a small ceremony at a nice restaurant and I didn't have to "do" anything but be there and show my support. As my dinner entree I chose this flounder stuffed with crabmeat and it was delish but the portion size was huge so I mostly at the crabmeat but still a good bit got thrown away and I have to start learning how to not feel bad about that.
A friend of mine who had the lapband about 5 years ago has recently been motivated to actively work her band again, becaus initially I think she got it because she could, lost about 40lbs and then got kind of content with where she was, I don't know if I motivated her or not but she has been actively working the band now. We were talking about how she still struggle with not ordering the large size because it seems to be a better deal. like if the difference between the small and large is only 50 cent why not just get the large, but then you feel bad for wasting so you end up trying to eat or drink more than you want or should. You might as well just get the small to begin with because the deal isn't a deal if you are throwing it away.
Also dealing with what my grandma used to say "your eyes are bigger than your belly", and with the band that literally becomes true, when you do get hungry you think hell I'm so hungry I can eat 10 chicken wings, no you can't, physically you cannot, but we are so used to being able to put away the food, probably used to be able to eat damn near 20, but now more 5 is more realistic. But ordering 5 wings just doesn't look like enough, but it is and when will our minds get that.
I realized that I have lost 10% of my body weight so I will be posting pics soon, well really the wedding pictures can represent that loss, but I get frustrated because I want to lose more faster, I am happy with my progress and I feel the difference in my clothes, but I still feel like because I'm so big 40lbs is barely noticeable whereas on someone smaller it would be huge...patience I know, but it is not my strong suit and I have to fight the urge to self sabotage, that's the old me, me and Beyonce have work to do, I want to be at least about 8lbs down for a total of 50lbs before my birthday in December, of course 60lbs down would be better but I am not setting myself up for that kinda pressure...
My eating has been less than stellar, I've been eating too many carbs and not enough protein and it is reflecting in my energy level (lack thereof) and my lack of weight loss. I am ready to get back on track I also went in for another fill this week and my doc says that Im just short of 4ccs but sometimes I feel like I don't have a band still. I can't eat as much as I used to but I sometimes get hungrier sooner than I should, Dr. D. says that the average sweet spot for people with my band is around 5ccs but it is different with everyone but you have to take your time to get there. My first thought was why not start with 5ccs and go down from there, but thats just my impatient ass.
I haven't been keeping up with blogs and obviously not posting but I am going to catch up this weekend. I have just been so tired lately. I have to get my energy up and I know that means I need to get my fatass moving, but on the exercise front I have "watched" quite a few exercise routines on tv this week....yes I have watched them but haven't quite made it off the couch yet lol! My mom actually watched with me one night and we got a good laugh...baby steps people...baby steps.
I am anemic and I know because I haven't been up on my vitamins and because my cycle has been on that is the main reason for my low energy. I have fibroids so when my cycle is on the blood loss is outrageous which leaves me drained. Thankfully it's gone now so hopefully that and my lower carb intake will help.
I've noticed that when I eat pasta or rice during the day I instantly get tired, before I would eat pasta and maybe a couple of hours later feel sluggish but now I eat it and within 10 mins I want a nap so bad I could cry. I had this nasty smart ones frozen pasta meal one day for lunch and I ate about half of it threw it away and within minutes couldn't keep my eyes open. So that makes it easier for me to want to limit that stuff especially while I'm at work.
My best friend also got married last week, so I had 2 weddings in like 5 days, 1 on Sunday and then another one on Friday, but luckily his was just a small ceremony at a nice restaurant and I didn't have to "do" anything but be there and show my support. As my dinner entree I chose this flounder stuffed with crabmeat and it was delish but the portion size was huge so I mostly at the crabmeat but still a good bit got thrown away and I have to start learning how to not feel bad about that.
A friend of mine who had the lapband about 5 years ago has recently been motivated to actively work her band again, becaus initially I think she got it because she could, lost about 40lbs and then got kind of content with where she was, I don't know if I motivated her or not but she has been actively working the band now. We were talking about how she still struggle with not ordering the large size because it seems to be a better deal. like if the difference between the small and large is only 50 cent why not just get the large, but then you feel bad for wasting so you end up trying to eat or drink more than you want or should. You might as well just get the small to begin with because the deal isn't a deal if you are throwing it away.
Also dealing with what my grandma used to say "your eyes are bigger than your belly", and with the band that literally becomes true, when you do get hungry you think hell I'm so hungry I can eat 10 chicken wings, no you can't, physically you cannot, but we are so used to being able to put away the food, probably used to be able to eat damn near 20, but now more 5 is more realistic. But ordering 5 wings just doesn't look like enough, but it is and when will our minds get that.
I realized that I have lost 10% of my body weight so I will be posting pics soon, well really the wedding pictures can represent that loss, but I get frustrated because I want to lose more faster, I am happy with my progress and I feel the difference in my clothes, but I still feel like because I'm so big 40lbs is barely noticeable whereas on someone smaller it would be huge...patience I know, but it is not my strong suit and I have to fight the urge to self sabotage, that's the old me, me and Beyonce have work to do, I want to be at least about 8lbs down for a total of 50lbs before my birthday in December, of course 60lbs down would be better but I am not setting myself up for that kinda pressure...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
STILL ALIVE
Hey guys I know I suck as a blogger lately and promise a whole post tomorrow, but with 2 weddings in 5 days, it's been kinda hectic and they have issued this thing about posting to blogs at work so thats a no go. I had my 2nd fill yesterday, I've been maintaining not losing anything additional and I will update you guys on all that tomorrow....thanks to those that haven't "quit" me yet it will get better.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
First fill....check!!
Tuesday I got my first fill and it was anticlimatic...which was a good thing. I expected pain or something, but after going through questions with the wonderful Wendy, the great Dr. D. the most wonderful surgeon ever, came in and he and a new nurse teamed up for my fill. I was wondering how he was gonna find the port under all this fluff, I really can't feel it, I think I can a little but not like those of you who start this journey half the weight I started at.
Anyway he asked me if I was feeling brave, I said not particularly, he laughed he did the lidocaine numbing thing which was a tiny sting. and then he played around until he got the fill done. I drank the required cup of water with no problem and he told me that in as little as a week if I feel no change I could come back for another. I know he gave me 3ccs but I am not sure what I started with or my band capacity, (I know its a size large) and I forgot to ask. Everyone was quite pleased with my progress and I felt proud of myself.
Everyday this week they have been dumping crap (candy, cookies etc) on my desk at work and I would be lying if I said I didn't eat 2 starburst one day, a Reese's individual peanut butter cup the day after my fill (it seem like a mushy food) and 4 of these sour strings today. It is customer service week and why they are loading us on sugar to thank us for doing a good job (i don't deal with customers directly) is beyond me. Reward me with non-edibles thank you very much.
Official weigh in tomorrow so let's see what customer service week has done to my hiney parts and this weekend is my sister's wedding and remind me to tell you guys about the bridezilla text from hell she sent to her bridal party causing one of the bridesmaid who was also the coordinator to drop out. Oy vey!
I will check in tomorrow and give you all an update!
Oh yeah Whole Fruit sorbet from Publix rocks! It's naturally fat free but not sugar free and it is delish in moderation of course.
Anyway he asked me if I was feeling brave, I said not particularly, he laughed he did the lidocaine numbing thing which was a tiny sting. and then he played around until he got the fill done. I drank the required cup of water with no problem and he told me that in as little as a week if I feel no change I could come back for another. I know he gave me 3ccs but I am not sure what I started with or my band capacity, (I know its a size large) and I forgot to ask. Everyone was quite pleased with my progress and I felt proud of myself.
Everyday this week they have been dumping crap (candy, cookies etc) on my desk at work and I would be lying if I said I didn't eat 2 starburst one day, a Reese's individual peanut butter cup the day after my fill (it seem like a mushy food) and 4 of these sour strings today. It is customer service week and why they are loading us on sugar to thank us for doing a good job (i don't deal with customers directly) is beyond me. Reward me with non-edibles thank you very much.
Official weigh in tomorrow so let's see what customer service week has done to my hiney parts and this weekend is my sister's wedding and remind me to tell you guys about the bridezilla text from hell she sent to her bridal party causing one of the bridesmaid who was also the coordinator to drop out. Oy vey!
I will check in tomorrow and give you all an update!
Oh yeah Whole Fruit sorbet from Publix rocks! It's naturally fat free but not sugar free and it is delish in moderation of course.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
I lost 3.4lbs in one day....yeah I know it's crazy.
Let's just face I'm not a model lapband patient, I eat some crap, exercise is still M.I.A. unless you count the endless store and mall walking I have done for this freaking wedding, and I weigh myself morning and night religiously. I only change my ticker after official weigh in on Fridays, but trust me the scale is visited twice a day. Okay well I weigh myself for my official weight on Friday and then Saturday morning I was a full 3.4lbs down, okkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, I was like what happen in my sleep, did some make and incision and steal a vital organ, I weighed myself umpteen times same result. I weighed my 2 year old niece her weight was consistent I was like okay I'm gonna have to check this scale out.
Well Thursday night I tried what used to be my favorite jeans on to wear to work on Friday although they zipped the muffin top (to put it nicely) couldn't be ignore and it felt like I was squeezing my insides into something unhealthy. Well Saturday after the mysterious weighin that night I tried them on again, much looser, like I would wear them now, my muffin top was the one I'm used to seeing, it's crazy so unofficially I am down 40.2lbs but that won't be official until Friday.
My 1st fill got rescheduled to Tuesday, so we will see what their scale says, last time I went there was like a .8lb difference between theirs and mine, I am worried that they will not give me a fill because I am losing weight, but I want it because I feel like I get hungry too fast, I am definitely eating less but I get like the real stomach growling hunger pains sooner than I think I should and I just ignore them because I feel otherwise I will be snacking all the time and defeat the purpose.
On another note my birthday goal of being down 45lbs will definitely be down if anything close to this pace continues. Because I still have 11 weeks and only 4.8lbs left to reach it, pretty psyched about that!
Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and support, you guys make this journey so much easier.
Well Thursday night I tried what used to be my favorite jeans on to wear to work on Friday although they zipped the muffin top (to put it nicely) couldn't be ignore and it felt like I was squeezing my insides into something unhealthy. Well Saturday after the mysterious weighin that night I tried them on again, much looser, like I would wear them now, my muffin top was the one I'm used to seeing, it's crazy so unofficially I am down 40.2lbs but that won't be official until Friday.
My 1st fill got rescheduled to Tuesday, so we will see what their scale says, last time I went there was like a .8lb difference between theirs and mine, I am worried that they will not give me a fill because I am losing weight, but I want it because I feel like I get hungry too fast, I am definitely eating less but I get like the real stomach growling hunger pains sooner than I think I should and I just ignore them because I feel otherwise I will be snacking all the time and defeat the purpose.
On another note my birthday goal of being down 45lbs will definitely be down if anything close to this pace continues. Because I still have 11 weeks and only 4.8lbs left to reach it, pretty psyched about that!
Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and support, you guys make this journey so much easier.
Friday, October 01, 2010
Move your FAT BUTT...but down another 2.8
I did not have physical relations with that DVD at all, hey guys the plan this week was for me to start doing my exercise dvd right? Well I lied to you and myself, between stress at work and my sister's wedding countdown, oh yeah and simple laziness, I did no such thing.
I posted another 2.8lb weight loss today despite being a lardass, but I think to myself could that have been a 3.8 maybe even a 4 if I had sweated a little, perhaps.....but I will take it. Oh yeah and I ate some crap this week just not a lot of it.
I know this next will be crazier because it's the last week before the nuptials on 10/10 but I am going to do some exercise, I promise.
So now I'm down 36.8lb from my presurgery weight, yeppers and I never want to see that jelly again.
I posted another 2.8lb weight loss today despite being a lardass, but I think to myself could that have been a 3.8 maybe even a 4 if I had sweated a little, perhaps.....but I will take it. Oh yeah and I ate some crap this week just not a lot of it.
I know this next will be crazier because it's the last week before the nuptials on 10/10 but I am going to do some exercise, I promise.
So now I'm down 36.8lb from my presurgery weight, yeppers and I never want to see that jelly again.
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