Days since surgery

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Something to talk about

Sorry for the lack of post but right now it takes everything I have to stay positive and not get discouraged. I am so anxious and impatient and I know everything happens for a reason, but it has been such a letdown to be all hyped, do the pre-op diet and then wake up with no band and then have to wait another month before you can even talk about rescheduling.

I have been reading everyone's blogs and although they keep me going, it also adds to the feelings of anxiousness I feel. I feel like I am on the fringe and part of me is worried that something else is going to come up, also about 2 years ago when I first started the process I got discouraged because I was getting the runaround because I couldn't get my anemia in check and I convinced myself that maybe it wasn't meant to be. But I can't believe that I'm supposed to be this way and that there is possible help out there and I shouldn't try and get it.

I want this help so bad, I am willing to put in the work but I need the help. I am tired of being in this body, I feel like I have wasted alot of my 30's and have cheated my son on things we could've/would've done and I have a new agenda planned for my 40's. So you guys that pray keep me in your prayers and for those that don't please send some positive thoughts this way.

I go to see the oncologist tomorrow for the second opinion on the tumor issue and then next week I'm back to my surgeon hopefully we can get things popping.

It's funny we talk about privacy but I really didn't have a choice in this respect my sister has taken it upon herself to inform everyone we know, she didn't ask me and I guess since I didn't specifically say it was a secret, she felt it was okay to tell. It's not that I really care and I planned to tell more people after it was done, but I really didn't want to hear people's feedback beforehand and I also feel like people scrutinize you more when they know. But it is what it is and I deal.

Okay sorry for the Debbie Downer post and I will be back on track soon just decided to have a pity party today and invite you all thanks for coming by and don't forget to pick up your gift bags on the way out.


V said...

you're in my prayers.

-Grace- said...

I am so sorry, hun. I hope this tumor situation gets sorted out and you are healthy!

Love & hugs (and good, healing vibes) coming your way!

Drazil said...

Sweetness - your time will come...exactly when it is supposed to. It only hasn't happened yet cuz it's not the right time. You have to believe you are exactly where you are supposed to be at every moment....THIS moment right now you are beautiful and worthy...if you only focus on the future you will miss THIS moment. Easier said than done I know - I wish you peace. Loves you!

Stephanie said...

You're not a debbie downer. You're a woman who has been on a rollercoaster of emotions and we all understand. I will definitely keep you in my prayers!

Jenny said...

You are not a downer and you are certainly not alone. We all felt this way when we were waiting. It will come for you you have to believe that. You should keep blogging when you can because we are here for you to vent to about anything. Band related or not. I hope you find your answers soon.

Cindylew said...

You can vent here any time...that's what we're here for.
I know it seems like it's never going to happen, but keep the'll be banded before you know it. I'll add you to my daily prayers.