Days since surgery

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I just don't know

I know it has been a while but this has been a hectic and dare I say somewhat discouraging time for me I am in a plateau and frankly didn't think I would hit it this early in the journey.  I think I lost more weight in Weight Watchers and I eat so much less than I did then.  I think today the vegetarian thing comes to an end, my son quit yesterday and I don't feel like I have been getting enough protein and iron but more importantly due to my financial situation right now, I can't afford the variety of things that would make this more appealing.
I have been avoiding blogland because mentally it's been hard, I have said it before I feel like people are looking for me to have lost more weight.
I had another fill and not I officially have about 4.8ccs in my band and my doc says that most people get in a good spot about 5.5ccs with the band I have, so hopefully I'm getting close.  But I have been eating so much better than ever before but the scale just hates me, sometimes I wonder if I'm not eating enough, my water drinking has sucked, so I am determined to do better. 
My 40th birthday is tomorrow and I am upset that financially I am unable to celebrate it like I want to, although I definitely feel blessed to have made it this far.  With this birthday I am recommitting myself to turning my financial and weight loss situation around.  I have many things I want to do and I am determined that my 40's will be more productive than my 30's when I felt like I watched life happen. I want to make life happen and you guys can hold me to that.
I won't apologize any more for lack of blogging but just know that I think about you guys often and I know you guys are there for my support but I have still not learn how to completely open up, I have been shielding myself and internalizing my whole life, I am committed to changing that as well so please bear with me.

Update again you guys, smooches!


Justawallflower said...

Nobody is going to wake up and have everything better for them just because they decide it needs to be. You have to take it one step at a time, and you'll get there. I don't think you are doing horribly with your weight loss. Maybe the thing you need to change there is your goals. Over 40 pounds is less than four months is great! Don't worry about meeting others' expectations! Although you should try to get all your water in.....hang in there, your doing great! I hope things turn around for your financially, and that you learn to open up and trust in others, as well as yourself! Merry Christmas!

Heather said...

Happy Birthday! You are making strides for a better 40s experience. The financial stuff will work itself out eventually. Just stick it out! Have a wonderful Christmas!

Nella said...

You will get there! Perserverance my friend! Your next fill will be your ticket!
Happy Holidays!

Cindylew said...

Whadaya mean jelly bean???
40 lbs. in this short a period of time is awesome. I'm
7 1/2 months in and am at 66 lbs. You're doing great and the only one that needs to believe that is YOU my lovely friend.
Please be diligent with your took me until my 5th or 6th one to feel any type of restriction whatsoever.
Hang in there and know that we're all here for you.

Elle said...

You say you have difficulty opening up?? You did just that ! Aaaaw I hope you feel better ! You have to remember that this is all for YOU. Don't lose weight so that others can comment on it. I sometimes feel that way when I "fail" at achieving goals, it's like I'm disappointing people... then I catch myself, "when did it start being about others ???" Like, for real! It's MY blog, MY thoughts, MY journey. I recently read on the title of a blog something like, "If you're looking for inspiration, you might want to keep looking". I found that to be so honest !! And to me, honest IS inspirational !

Think about YOU. You don't owe anybody anything. It's great to have followers and people who look to you for inspiration, but this isn't what this is about.

Good luck !