Something to talk about

Sorry for the lack of post but right now it takes everything I have to stay positive and not get discouraged. I am so anxious and impatient and I know everything happens for a reason, but it has been such a letdown to be all hyped, do the pre-op diet and then wake up with no band and then have to wait another month before you can even talk about rescheduling.

I have been reading everyone's blogs and although they keep me going, it also adds to the feelings of anxiousness I feel. I feel like I am on the fringe and part of me is worried that something else is going to come up, also about 2 years ago when I first started the process I got discouraged because I was getting the runaround because I couldn't get my anemia in check and I convinced myself that maybe it wasn't meant to be. But I can't believe that I'm supposed to be this way and that there is possible help out there and I shouldn't try and get it.

I want this help so bad, I am willing to put in the work but I need the help. I am tired of being in this body, I feel like I have wasted alot of my 30's and have cheated my son on things we could've/would've done and I have a new agenda planned for my 40's. So you guys that pray keep me in your prayers and for those that don't please send some positive thoughts this way.

I go to see the oncologist tomorrow for the second opinion on the tumor issue and then next week I'm back to my surgeon hopefully we can get things popping.

It's funny we talk about privacy but I really didn't have a choice in this respect my sister has taken it upon herself to inform everyone we know, she didn't ask me and I guess since I didn't specifically say it was a secret, she felt it was okay to tell. It's not that I really care and I planned to tell more people after it was done, but I really didn't want to hear people's feedback beforehand and I also feel like people scrutinize you more when they know. But it is what it is and I deal.

Okay sorry for the Debbie Downer post and I will be back on track soon just decided to have a pity party today and invite you all thanks for coming by and don't forget to pick up your gift bags on the way out.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

It's been a year since Michael died and sometimes I still don't think it is real. I was just visiting another blog that i frequent and she said things that I agree with 100%, people sometimes don't get why some people loved Michael like we did, they didn't feel the impact of his gift like others did, they only choose to remember the negative, the rumors, the innuendos, the missteps, etc. But there was so much more than that. But if you don't get it that's ok too, but I am tired of having to justify and/or defend my feelings or quantifying/explaining what he meant to me . I won't try to sway you one way or another but respect my feelings. So if you don't get it, I get that, but for today only, for this post only keep your negative or contrary feelings to yourself...respect my space. I'm a product of the 80's and had a room wallpapered ceiling to floor with M.J. to me he was ALL THAT and THEN some and still is.
Now if you want to go to my '80's pic from hell post, feel free to be negative and criticize that jheri curl...

(if you're an MJ fan please follow the blog link to Door Sixteen, she put it so much better than I could)

B.Y.O.C. Friday...bring your own crazy...(i got plenty)


1. This comes from my post yesterday about me bragging that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school….got me to wondering…how many piercings do you have? (the ones you can tell us about anyway – *wink wink)

I have 4, I had 5, to in each ear and I had one in my tongue that I've since let close. I got it because I naively thought it was cute and cool, well after I got it and many vulgar comments/suggestions later I realized that maybe I should have done a little research. I kept it for a couple years but then as I got in my 30's I got tired of the comments and felt a little too old to still have it.

2. I’m asking this one because I’m getting another tattoo soon…and even have plans to get one of a lizard – my little Draz – because this blog and you all have become a major part of my life. Anywhoozle – how many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be?

I have one on my left breast its the laugh now cry later masks, I got it about 15 years ago,I was hungover and going with some friends who were getting them but they went outside to smoke and the guy was ready so I said hell why not. I've always wanted to get another and maybe as one of my weight rewards I will get one to honor my grandmother and my stillborn nephew on my back. I've wanted one on my ankle or inside my risk but those seem painful and I like being able to cover them.

3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it?

Well as a self-sabotager I am probably not a good person to ask, but I think the thing I have learn is push through it and keep it up and you will eventually make a breakthru. I remember when I was in a WW meeting and at that point I had lost about 30+lbs in a couple months and the losses had started to slow I said "If I never lose another pound I 30+lbs healthier than I was before." Those 30+lbs even for someone as heavy as I am had made a huge difference in how I felt, so I would say look at the big picture and keep pushing through the frustration.


4. This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day.
This week I pick Wednesday again and I pick that I will drink 64 oz that day again. It was really tough for me to do this week though I did it. I had a competition with Carmen!
What will you do for just one day in your quest towards health?

Exercise, I fell short of my 3 times this week goal so I'm going to say Tuesday I will get in at least 30 mins of exercise

5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week?

It's a toss up I loved Draz's passion about the meds issue and pretty much all the other things she talked about this week, sometimes I think she is in my head. I also was so excited to see a Vlog from Amy W she was one of the first bander blog that lurked on and I love her and have been missing her updates.

As far as comments I have been overwhelmed with the love I have received as a new blogger and am happy to get any comments at all but all the compliments (although they are hard for me to take) have been great.
Rockstar Draz's comment "Man I'd kill to have your smile. I bet you light up a room..you're so freaking pretty." made my day...it's the simple things.

Facebook you're killing me..

I log onto facebook today and it says I've been tagged in a photo by an old friend of mine, well this friend is legendary on facebook because he apparently has an archive of old 80's photos of all his friends that he likes to post. Back in the 80's he was like the mayor of Tampa, everyone knew him and love him. Unfortunately alot of the late 90's and the start of the new millenium he spent in prison, well I guess time froze for him because now he posts "old school" embarassing photos of people daily we always laugh at the pics. I thought for sure I was safe because he has no old pics of me right? He is a little older than me and although I loved him to death from the neighborhood, we didn't exactly hang out together.
Boy was I wrong,today he posted a pic of me when I was 14(only know this because he dated it)with a jheri curl and everything now mind you I have no idea where this was taken, I don't know who the guy in the picture is and I don't remember ever owning these clothes.
*DISCLOSURE I promise that is not hair under my arm even if I never(i do) shave the hair under my arms is very fine and could never grow that thick.



I'm the girl on the right if you can't tell by the smile...apparently whereever I was I was happy someone wanted to take a pic of me. Also note I was kinda skinny but my head wasn't..I had the bobblehead thing going on and is my cousin wearing a glove on her hand? wow...gotta love the 80's.

Random before pics

Pictures of me with my ex and some with my coworkers, one of my son back in '06, noticed how he is strategically placed in front of me, he knows now that he is mommy's tummy blocker, if you see an early post I posted a shot from a cruise we took this year and notice where my son is...lol...blocking the belly!

Welcome, welcome

I want to welcome all my new followers, I want you all to know that I appreciate you all stopping by and leaving comments or just reading my ramblings. I have been inspired immensely by your blogs and so I thought I would put myself out there as well.
It's encouraging to see that people actually read what you write and hopefully one day my words can inspire someone else who is at the start of their journey. The frustration that I have felt since trying to get the band has been helped by encouraging words and seeing others triumph!
Again I want to say welcome and thank you...there is much love at my party!

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Getting to know me

I stole this from Jenny who says she got it from Mary.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8am
2. How do you like your steak? Medium well
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Killes
4. What is your favorite TV show? Modern Family, Criminal Minds
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Not sure
6. What did you have for breakfast? Grits and salmon croquettes
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Soul food
8. What foods do you dislike? Junk food with artificial cremes inside
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Carabbas, good Chinese foods.
10. Favorite dressing? Ranch
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Dodge Durango
12. What are your favorite clothes? My lounge dress I wear at home.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Italy
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Depends on when you ask.
15. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere safe where the U.S. dollar still has value.
16. Favorite time of day? When i get off work
17. Where were you born? Tampa, Fl
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Football
19. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night
20. Do you have any pets? nope, but hopefully will get a dog soon
21. What did you want to be when you were little? a lawyer
22. Are you married? Nope
23. Any pet peeves? Liars
24. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cheese
25. Favorite Flower? Tulips
26. Favorite ice cream? chocolate
27. What are you listening to right now? TV
28. What is your favorite color? black
29. How many tattoos do you have? 1 on my breast.
30. Coffee Drinker? Oh heck yes!

B.Y.O.C.

Better late than never...

1. If your heart had a singing voice, whose would it be?
Mary J Blige, she sings as though she has been through some things and triumphed over the pain. Also Erykah Badu, she has a style that is all her own and isn't afraid to challenge the norm.

2. What is your most disgusting habit?
Probably biting the skin on the edge of my nails. I think nail-biting is disgusting and I would never be a nail-biter, but really is biting the skin on the side of your nails any less disgusting. Anything involving putting your nasty hands in your mouth is gross.

3. Carmen and I were talking about Chicago and our fears...for those of you going (and those of you not you can answer as if you were going)...what is your biggest fear?
Well I am in the process of working it out so I can go but I my surgery keeps getting delayed and I don't want to be the only one who hasn't started the journey. Also I have never taken a trip alone, especially to meet people who I don't know, but travelling is something I aspire to do more of so I think this would be a new start. Also fear needing two seats on the airplane...

4. This isn't so much a question but a challenge. Name one thing you will do for just one day next week in the name of health and commit to it on your blog and to us.
I vow to start exercising again, to do my walking dvd at least twice this coming week.
I am also going to restart a modified version of my pre-op diet, cutting down on my carb intake, drink my protein shakes, and up my water intake.


5. Whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week?
It was not a current post but this week I discovered Grace's blog and stayed up all night reading the archives and the pain she showed on her vlog after her break-up made realize how much some people put themselves out there on their blogs. It made me want to open myself up more.

No thank you

Nothing much going on here my body just seems to be on a quest to gain back the weight i lost on the pre-op diet, soooo I am going to be on a modified version of it starting this weekend and continue it until my next surgeons visit. It seems like coworkers are conspiring to make this weight gain happen (kidding. One of my coworkers brought me a still hot from the oven cinnamon something bagel from Panera Bread...delish! After eating it all I politely told her to never bring me another one. Then we have had 2 department meetings this week, on Tuesday I ordered a chicken salad sandwich couldn't eat the homemade potato bread that came on it and yesterday I had a delicious oyster po boy sandwich. I am getting a preview of what getting stuck will be like with the band because if I don't chew things enough it gets stuck in my esophagus even water if I gulp too fast. I see why my doc asked how was swallowing. Bread is gonna be an issue because even chewing it up I can feel it blow up in my esophagus and it hurts like crazy.
I have also noticed my energy level has dropped since I got off the pre-op diet, I think the low carb and high protein helped with my energy.
It's hard to read all the June Bandster stories on Lapbandtalk.com because that was supposed to be my group :( but all in due time. My appointment with the surgeon is on the 15th of July but I am thinking of trying to reschedule a week sooner because he said 4-5 weeks and the nurse scheduled it at 5 weeks. I am planning to go full steam pre-op diet 12 days before whatever the appointment ends up being so I can schedule the surgery as soon as possible after that and not have to wait to do the diet again.
All this scheming...I am just so ready to get started on this.

I want it now...

I just came from my followup with the surgeon and all is well...HOWEVER..he does want me to get a second opinion on the tumor issue with an oncologist (that word just scares me). But I have faith that all news will continue to be positive. The somewhat bummer is that I have to go back to my surgeon a month from today for a checkup before he will schedule my surgery. I was so psyched to get the surgery and having done the pre-op diet this is a total letdown. I know he is doing the right thing and making sure that my stomach is completely healed so I don't have trouble later, but it doesn't stop me from wanting it done already.
I am going to try and at least maintain the weight loss I have already achieved and hopefully lose some more before my followup and maybe the pre-op diet will be even easier the second time around....NOT!
Well I will get to enjoy 4th of July we are supposed to be going to Jacksonville to see a good friend who will be home on leave from his contractors job in Iraq, yeah you read right he took a job driving 18 wheelers in Iraq, the money is good but who does that? I love him to death though and am anxious to see him.

What were supposed to be pre-lap band pics

Please excuse the messy roomy I am in the middle of purging. All is well with e me I am home recuperating after being release from hospital on Friday. Not a lot of pain I have the liquid Nortab and also have to give myself daily shots of blood thinner in the tummy just as I will have to do post lapband surgery. I have my followup visit with my surgeon on Tuesday and hopefully I can have the surgery by the end of the month. I don't want to rush my body but I am anxious to get all the surgeries behind me. I am not looking forward to doing the pre-op diet again but maybe I will lose another 20lbs to give me an extra headstart.
I want to thank everyone with your thoughtful comments and welcome any new followers, you guys are the BESTEST!

Can you believe still no band...

Well everything went as planned I got to the hospital, went through the ordeal of multiple people trying to get an i.v in. Went to the operating room, woke up in recovery thinking wow so it is done. My mom and sister come in and said something to the effect like I know you are tripping that he couldn't the band and I was like excuse me what do you mean I didnt get the band?
They proceeded to tell me that the surgeon went in and found a hernia (no biggie) and repair that but on my stomach were the lapband would go he found a tumor that had to be removed. Of course when you remove the tumor a small part of the tummy goes too, so he had to suture that up and you cant place the band on top of a suture, so I have to wait a couple of weeks for my tummy to heal and then he can go in and do the band. OMG I just started crying but then I realized it was a blessing if I had never been trying to get the band I wouldn't have known about the growth, he says due to my age and the way the growth look he doubted that it was malignant but test results come back in couple of days. I am not even entertaining the thought that it was anything but benign.
So back to square one, I am extremely disappointed but what am I to do, first the gallbladder and now this, well I am not discouraged, I am determined that the first available date after this heals I'm there. My surgeon says well before the summer is over we will be well acquainted. He is a good guy

Today is the Day

Wow I cannot believe it is finally here, I have to be at the hospital at 5:45am and of course as bad as I wanted to I couldn't sleep I've been up a little before 3am. I changed my bed linens took my shower and came to my mom's house she is my support for the surgery today.
I am really not afraid but I did take a pause yesterday when a friend of the family's mom went in yesterday for a routine colonoscopy and ended up dying. So not what you want to hear the day before surgery, but I have faith that God will protect me and honestly the only real fear I have would be leaving my son here without me.
Anyhoo...positive thoughts not morbid thoughts. Surgery is scheduled for 7:30, the docs first for today, and since I was there less than a month ago for the gallbladder thingie I am comfortable with everything.
I will try to update this post today, if not for sure tomorrow after I am released.
Have a great day!

Oh I would be remiss if I did not mention the joy I felt to see I have followers, it started with one Lap Band Gal (thanks for commenting) and now I am up to seven..welcome guys and thanks for following me.

That's it for now holla later peeps!

Taken April 2010, me in the back on the left using my son to hide all this jelly as usual!

Is this damn scale broke...

I got on the scale yesterday and it showed that I was 21 pounds down since I started the pre-op diet, and I'm still not believing it. I weighed myself about 5 times yesterday and made my son get on it trying to double check. My measurements are pretty aggressive too and I will post those numbers in full later, but I show 7 1/4 loss on my waist, but I think my stomach must've still been bloated from the gallbladder surgery and I show 3 inches lost from my hips...WOOHOO!

I can't believe I have less than 48 hours before my surgery and I can't wait. I can't wait to get this nasty taste out of my mouth. I think I must be in ketosis which happens you do low carb diets because I feel like my breath is constantly questionable. I will taking more before pics and posting those and measurements and all that in the next day or two. I really want to keep a detailed account of this journey because I know I always want to see that on other people's blogs...

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